


Haunting My Nightmares

by TheAnonymousNobody



Category: Teen Titans (Animated Series)
Genre: Bonding, Dreams and Nightmares, Dreams vs. Reality, End of the World, F/M, Gen, Hell, Late at Night, Night Terrors, Nightmares, Nighttime, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Soul Bond, Telepathic Bond, Trauma, Travel, Visions in dreams
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 14:05:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 27,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17102003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAnonymousNobody/pseuds/TheAnonymousNobody
Summary: Raven's nightmares have been getting worse.  And they come with an unexpected side effect.  And why is she getting closer to Robin?  Post Birthmark and Tokyo.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello peoples! Thought I'd try my hand at a multi-chapter story as a sort of holiday present to everybody. Its short I know, but the future ones will get longer.
> 
> WARNING: CONTAINS GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS

Raven sat up with a groan, her throat going dry.A dull ache enveloped her.Her joints, that had been digging into the hard painfully cold metal of the roof, throbbed uncomfortably.An icy wind kicked up making her shiver and her muscles tense.Raven mentally cursed her luck.She would have to be born the daughter of an inter dimensional evil demon from the depths of hell.The tiny pieces of gravel that had found their way onto the roof dug into her legs and her skin stuck to the frozen metal.She pulled it off with a grunt and the open skin began to bleed.Although she normally didn’t sleep wearing her long cloak due to its bulk and pull around her neck should it twist, she was reconsidering.Raven blinked her eyes, flashes of her horrific nightmare resurfacing in the blackness.Desolation, red skies, bodies…so many bodies.Always bodies…in various stages of putrefaction.The smell of sulfur and decomposition was thick and the air so hot it practically burned her nostrils and lungs.Raven shook her head a few times in a vain attempt to dislodge the images.With her body protesting every move he made and teeth chattering, she yanked open the heavy metal door that lead inside the tower.Raven immediately realized her mistake as the alarm rang out.She screwed her eyes up at the noise as a stinging sensation came to the back of her eyes.They began to tear up at the obnoxious red lights blinking in the darkened halls.She knew that the Titans would begin to search the place and they were headed her way. 

“Raven?”Cyborg’s concern came through as he put his hands up and slowly approached her.“Again?”She nodded and Cyborg, raising his arm, quickly shut off the tower’s alarm. 

“Cy!Cyborg what’s happening?!”Robin’s voice called out.

“Go.I got it covered.”He stated reassuringly.Raven ran back onto the roof and chanting her mantra teleported to her room.Faced with the darkness and eerie shadows of her room, she immediately began having second thoughts.Raven didn’t want to go to bed just yet and face the horror that awaited her when she closed her eyes.So she grabbed her cloak and went into her act. 

Meanwhile on the roof, Cyborg was dealing with his own problems, namely one that had spiky black hair and wore a mask.“Cyborg you said the security system was airtight.”Robin said narrowing his eyes.

“Not my fault that someone forgot to lock the door.”Cy defended. 

Beast Boy despite being tired, began looking around.“Hey, anybody seen Raven?”

At that moment, a spiral of black magic appeared and Raven materialized behind him.“Perimeter secure, there’s no intruders.”She spoke, her rolling voice sounding more gravelly than usual. 

“Ah!”Beast Boy let out at her proximity and the telltale drop in temperature that accompanied her magic. 

“So this alarm is one of the false variety?”Starfire questioned, unaffected by the chill drifting into the hall.

Robin looked back at Cyborg.“Yeah Star.”He confirmed.“Alright team, be sure to stay vigilant and make sure that all potential access points to the tower are secure from now on.”Robin spun his bo-staff and tucked it away into his utility belt.“Cyborg be sure to check for any alerts on loose doors in the future.”He yawned and gave a stretch.“Goodnight.”

“Night dudes.”

“Pleasant schmorlax!”

“Night.”Cyborg let out.After the sound of footsteps had faded away, he turned back to the dark girl standing next to him.“Was it bad?”Raven nodded, but said nothing more.“C’mon I’ll walk you to your room.”Cyborg said placing a hand on her shoulder and guiding her downstairs.“Why do you do it?The teleporting?”

“I don’t know.”Raven stated tiredly.“My powers just activate and then off I go.”That was a lie, well not entirely…Raven suspected she subconsciously tried to escape her nightmares so she teleported in order to do so.

“There doesn’t seem to be a pattern.”The half-human, half-robot mused aloud.“You haven’t teleported into anyone else’s room have you?”

“No.”The thought of showing up in Beast Boy’s pigsty of a room made her wrinkle her nose in disgust.Starfire’s girly den of stuffed animals along withthat slimy moth larva she took in as a pet was just as revolting.At least the night she’d wound up in Cyborg’s room hadn’t been so bad.The soft bluish glow of his machines and the silent whirring noises of various mechanical devices had gently woken her out of her stupor.He’d sat up and without the slightest hint of judgement, merely asked her why she was lying in the middle of his floor.Raven had given him an excuse of a nightmare that caused her to do it; she’d greatly softened the details, merely stating that it had been just an overwhelming feeling of dread and to escape it she must’ve subconsciously teleported.That wasn’t the whole truth however, Raven had been having pretty bad nightmares lately.Despite defeating her farther, she was still plagued by visions of the fiery hell she had at one time unleashed upon the Earth.Fortunately, Cyborg didn’t attempt to pry or get details.He merely walked her back to her room and gave her some water.He’d offered to sit with her until she fell asleep, but not wanting to appear helpless, Raven politely declined.

“Well here ya go.”Cyborg said stopping outside her door.“You want me to- “

“No.”Raven cut him off, then taking a breath.“I’ll be fine.I just need a goodnight’s sleep.”

“I’ll bet.”He agreed, then frowning a little.“There’s never anything you can remember from them?”

“No, nothing.”Raven lied.“Just dread.And a lot of it.”She clarified.

Cyborg paused, staring at her and for a moment, Raven wondered if he could see through her lies.Unlikely though it may be, perhaps she had underestimated the half robot man’s perception.“Well try to have a good night and you know where to find me.”

“Yeah, goodnight.”Raven called to him as he turned and walked down the hallway back to his room.

He called back to her jokingly.“If I can’t find you, I’ll check the kitchen, training room and the garage…”As she listened to the list of all the place that she’d found her way to these past few weeks, Raven began to tense up inside.She didn’t want to think about what awaited her tonight as she closed her eyes.Her nose wrinkled at the memory the disgustingly warm scent of decomposition and sulfur.Her stomach rolled up into her throat at that and a wave of nausea overtook her.Luckily, Cyborg’s voice brought her back.“Just steer clear of BB’s room, never know what’ll be in there.”

“Right.”Raven let out going into her room.Her body was a mass of discomfort and exhaustion seemed to have sunken into her soul.The days were infuriatingly long and the nights, well…she didn’t even want to think about those.She was tired and perhaps it was starting to show.Only Cyborg knew about her little nighttime journeys, involuntary though they were.Raven didn’t want the other Titans to know about her problem.She’d always kept everything, well…mostly everything to herself.They would be worried about her and Raven didn’t want their pity.

Even though Cyborg had promised to keep her nighttime travels to himself, Raven reasoned that he probably informed the other members of the team about her difficulty sleeping.Beast Boy had lightened up with his jokes on her, Starfire didn’t bug her to go do ‘female bonding activities’ with her anymore.Even Robin didn’t seem as harsh as he shouted orders or provided feedback on training.Though everything grated on her nerves these days, it did seem as though her friends were trying to help in their own way. 

Raven stared at her room wondering if somehow moving the furniture or changing things up somehow would be the solution to her problems.She mentally chanted her mantra and her furniture was encased in her black magic, but it wobbled and faltered in the air, various little trinkets falling from their places.Of course this would happen with her nerves frayed and pulled taut almost to the point of snapping.With a huff, she withdrew her powers back into her and stomped over to her bathroom.Maybe a nice hot shower or bath would make it easier for her to sleep…so Raven entered her bathroom hoping for the best. 


	2. Chapter 2

Even after a hot bath and some soothing chamomile tea with nutmeg, Raven still found herself unable to sleep. On the one hand that was fine with her, because she wouldn’t have to experience her awful nightmares. Though on the other, there was the assurance that when she finally collapsed from exhaustion she would be unable to wake from the treacherous visions that lurked in her mind. There was also the worry about where she would wind up teleporting next. It was never too far, as without proper concentration, she couldn’t travel any great distance, but nevertheless Raven worried about that too. 

Raven resigned herself to a sleepless night; she spent the remainder of the night and a good portion of the morning meditating. She only adjourned downstairs when she figured everyone else would be finished with breakfast to fetch more tea. Robin was there however, leaning against the counter making himself some eggs. “Hi Raven.” He greeted. “Want me to make you some?” 

She watched as Robin took a sip of coffee. Her stomach turned at the thought of food, but caffeine? Ah yes, now that sounded wonderful. “No, thank you.” Raven replied. “But I will take a cup of coffee if you’re offering.”

“Sure.” Robin nodded as he got one of her mugs and poured it in. He handed it to her and watched with curiosity as she plopped in several sugar cubes. Now that was unlike Raven, who like him, also preferred the bitter taste of the dark roasted beans. Raven knew he was watching her, but she didn’t care. If anything the extra sugar would help to perk her up a bit. Robin said nothing as he plated his eggs and sat down next to her. The pair stayed in silence, broken only by Robin’s quiet chewing and occasional sipping. Raven watched with curiosity as he poured himself another cup. Robin was now on his third cup of coffee; that was odd. Robin was nothing if not a creature of habit; Raven had only observed him drinking this much coffee one other time, when he was frantically chasing down leads on Slade and then invented the Red-X persona. She shifted her gaze away from him. None of the Titans really ever talked about that time. “Didn’t sleep last night?” She asked.

“I could ask you the same thing.” He retorted and Raven instantly regretting bringing up the topic. “Cyborg said you were having trouble sleeping.” Robin continued. “I’m going to go ahead and guess you still are.” He said with a glance at the cup of coffee she held in her long slender fingers. 

A tart reply came to her lips, but she caught it in time. Raven wanted to say something along the lines of ‘’good job being the protege of the great detective boy blunder’’ but instead she settled for a simple, curt “yes.” She didn’t know why her first instinct was to be nasty towards him, but it was. 

“Anything I can do?” Robin asked her kindly.

Raven was hit with a mix of emotions at that, but instead took several more sips of her coffee to refocus her mind. Rage rushed thorough her, there was the urge to cry and the comfort that someone actually cared. She took a long sip of coffee. Her powers were already on edge due to her lack of sleep and she feared that any more surges of emotion would be too much for her to handle. 

“Robin?” Starfire called as she flew into the living room. “Robin, may we now go to the mall of shopping?” 

Before he could answer, Beast Boy’s voice rang though the hall. “Yo Star! Hurry up Cy’s already got the car warmed up!”

“Come!” The alien princess cried and grabbed Robin pulling him away from the sorceress. “Raven would you care to join us? We can journey to the arcade and buy glittery earth hair ornaments!” Starfire grinned. 

“No.” Her bluntness causing both pairs of eyes to widen. 

Robin looked like he was about to say more, but Starfire pulled him away. “Come Robin!” She exclaimed. Ordinarily Raven would’ve been a little more polite as she declined, but it didn’t matter. Raven was all too thrilled to get out of the conversation she was having with Robin.

She was pleased at having the tower all to herself. Maybe now she could actually relax, do a little self care and possibly even catch a nap on the couch while there was nobody else around. Maybe the change in venue would help her sleep more easy. Positioning herself in front of the window overlooking the bay, Raven assumed her lotus position and began to chant. The coffee giving her enough stamina to stay awake through it all. 

It was some time before Raven emerged from her meditation. She felt slightly better and a little more revived. At least she had been able to center herself again. It seemed like a good time to rearrange her room where she could potentially move things out into the hallway temporarily while she moved the bigger pieces such as her bed and bookcase. And with Beast Boy gone, she wouldn’t have to worry about any potential mishaps with her magical objects. She shuddered a little at the memory of him and Cyborg in her mind. So she thought he was funny? So what? It didn’t mean that he was always welcome to crack jokes whenever he wanted. True, he landed a good one every now and again, but that was about all. Most of the time, Beast boy’s jokes were pointless, cliche and occasionally crude. Raven felt her temper rising at that thought and set about rearrange her room. Or at least she had until the tower’s alarm went off. Raven flipped open her communicator as Overload’s signal rose from town. The power plant…how predictable. Resolutely, Raven pulled up her hood and left the tower. Good thing she’d had the coffee that morning. Maybe she could stop at her favorite cafe and get some more when all was said and done. 

It was bitter cold and tiny flakes of snow were pattering her face as Raven flew towards town. She saw sparks dancing and grimaced. She flew into the main control center to see Overload powering himself up using the city’s energy. Had she not been so tired, the cheap shot from Overload wouldn’t have been enough to take her down, but as it stood, it was enough to send her through a wall and crashing into a group of offices. She groaned lightly, but heard Robin’s voice. “Raven!” He called. “You alright?” 

“Just great.” She replied with her characteristic sarcasm. 

Robin offered her a hand to help her to her feet, slightly shocked to see how much she wobbled as she stood. “Cy, any sprinklers around here?”

“Not here man, electrical fires are put out with carbon dioxide or chemical foam.”

“Great.” Beast Boy said. Starfire flew past him throwing the water cooler. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough. Overload retaliated and blasted Starfire sending her colliding with the ground. Robin dodged several blasts and threw an ice disk at him. Raven had hovered closely by trying to focus enough energy to conjure her magic. 

“Ugh!” She croaked as Overload had sent a powerful jet of energy towards the Titans sending them hurtling through the wall and outside into the wet slushy snow. Raven’s head popped up from the snowbank she found herself face down in. Robin was shouting something, but even in her tired state all she wanted was to end this. Her patience was wearing thin. Home and hopefully a good sleep were calling her. Overload stood under a slightly slanting roof, The rest of the team was blasting him and trying to divert his attention as Robin attempted to crack open a fire hydrant. Raven snapped her fingers causing the snow on the roof to fall on him. She was met with four pairs of wide eyes. Beast Boy was the first to recover and transforming into a dog, quickly dug up and took Overload’s chip into his mouth. He dropped it at Robin’s feet with a bark. Raven had bowed out and teleported herself home.

To Raven’s dismay, she wasn’t home alone for long. As the rest of the Titans gathered in the living room, there was nothing Raven could do to escape. She had been in there getting some tea when they came barreling in. The roar of their voices had come upon her so suddenly that she was caught off guard and couldn’t remove herself in time. Teleporting was out of the question because she was so tired. Raven elected to save her powers and concentrations for missions. Her energy was precious these days and had to be conserved. There was no way to know when or if she would get a good nights sleep to recharge herself. Raven’s head began to ache at the volume of their voices. 

“Hey Raven!” Cyborg called then his face fell a little. “You okay?” He asked her lowering his voice.

“Fine.” She replied. 

Cyborg looked like he was going to continue the conversation, but didn’t get the chance as Starfire spoke up. “Raven we are going to do the movie viewing. You will be joining us yes?”

“Pleeeeaaaase?” Beast Boy wheedled.

Her temples began to ache, but with the way she’d been avoiding everyone lately they might get suspicious. Raven wasn’t sure how they’d put together her lack of sleep with her teleportation around the tower, but in her sleep-deprived mind it seemed like a definite possibility. “C’mon Raven, you can pick the movie since you defeated Overload.” Robin stated.

Raven was indifferent. Ordinarily she would’ve picked some sort of action thriller or horror movie, but as of late, she wanted nothing to do with either genre. She shrugged indifferently and narrowed down the suggestions to three and let her teammates choose from those. They would up watching some weird sci-fi romance that she had absolutely no interest in. Raven was just glad that there was something to distract her teammates from her turmoil that was likely written all over her face, just based on the looks that Cyborg kept shooting her. Robin must’ve also spotted something too because he was offering small concerned glances whenever not addressing Starfire’s whispered questions. Around the part where the aliens were about to attack the spaceship as the lover’s were plotting an escape, Raven’s head began to droop slightly. Her mind was a fuzzy haze and she was sure her eyes were glazed over. Thoughts drifted lazily in and out of her mind, never coming to fruition. Cyborg elbowed her and she shook her head lightly trying to rid herself of the lazy fog that seemed to have consumed her.

“I’m going to bed.” Raven announced when the movie was paused and some of the Titans were refilling their popcorn. She walked out quickly to ensure that nobody would start whining at her for leaving the festivities early. 

The rest of the Titans were silent, but then her leader spoke up. “Have a good night Raven.” Robin said with a small smile.

Maybe it was her imagination, but he seemed more concerned about her. Then another thought occurred to her…a good night? She wasn’t sure that was possible anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to everybody (including me) working tonight! Ya'll are the real MVPs! Even if you're just staying at home chillin' and recovering from the week, I hope you have a great evening! Enjoy!
> 
> P.S I edited this chapter because reading it off of cold medicine made it sound choppy so hopefully this is better!

Raven plodded into her room, her feet heavy with the weight of fatigue. She unclasped her cape and hung it on the hook by her bathroom. It seemed like a good idea to change up her sleeping attire if only because she might teleport outside again. The sores on her leg from the cold metal of the roof still hadn’t healed. Raven dug in her closet for a pair of pajama pants. She settled on a pair of fuzzy dark purple ones that Robin had gotten her for Christmas last year. In an effort to increase comfort, she decided to forgo her leotard and put on a black thermal instead. She also slipped on a pair of black socks for good measure. Her bedtime rituals were done mechanically and in short order. Deciding it would do some good, Raven burned some lavender incense and mouthed a silent prayer to Azar for a peaceful nights sleep without being haunted by memories of her demonic father. 

The incense was still smoking leaving its sweet smelling whitish twirls in the air as she crawled into bed; Raven decided to read a heavier title than she normally would’ve at this hour. Normally she preferred something lighthearted and adventurous, but it seemed as though anything could turn into a nightmare lately. Something technical and monotonous would be the solution. Something like an old science textbook. Raven hoped that practicing her latin skills would lull her to sleep. Despite her fighting her heavy eyelids with what remaining strength she possessed, before she’d even gotten ten pages in, exhaustion swept her away. 

Acrid smoke stung her nostrils and ash choked her breathing. Her throat burned and thick smoke blanketed the area. Everything was on fire and the tower had burned. Her friends laid dead in the carnage. Stone statues, looks of horror forever frozen on their faces, were scattered everywhere. It was a repeat of the vision she’d had prior to the end of the world. Only this time, there was something different. There was no unearthly roar and no sounds of hellfire breaking loose. It was eerily quiet. Nothing seemed off; it seemed as though she had wandered onto the set of a movie after business hours. She began to walk around but her shoes didn’t even crunch into the dirt below her feet. There was no wind and scraping her nails along a giant rock produced no sound. The ground shook. Something was walking towards her and the footprints appeared in the ground. But there was nothing visible!

Then it hit her. She couldn’t move, pain radiated through her and her bones were at odd angles. Some were protruding from her skin. Weight settled into the remnants of the tower, using it as a makeshift throne. Just as her father had done, but instead of Trigon…she saw herself. A demonic corrupted Raven sat upon the tower. Then the demon Raven was looking down at her squished like a pathetic little insect at the foot of a killer. Her vision tunneled and she slammed into the ground. 

Her head suddenly felt heavy and her knees throbbed lightly. A dull ache began in her left temple and she heard a light scraping noise. Raven groaned as she sat up to see little bugs scuttling around. As her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she was able to make out the dull outline of the banister and large metal staircase. Raven shook her head lightly trying to calm her racing heart. Although she was usually comfortable in the darkness, this seemed different somehow, more sinister. She had no idea what else was lurking in there. Rationally, Raven knew that she shouldn’t be so scared. If there was someone or something else in the Tower, the Titans would’ve been alerted. The glow of the red motion light burned her eyes slightly. Too tired, to float up to the stairs and spare her aching joints, Raven stiffly lumbered up the metal stairs, glad that she’d had the foresight to put on the thick socks. The quiet was still discomforting…in fact it was not too dissimilar to that of the nightmare. Making her way as silently as she could through the darkened tower, Raven glanced at the clock, it was almost five am. Sunrise would be in an hour or so…the light would probably wake her. So instead of going back to her room, she did the next best thing and stretched out on the living room sofa. Looking out at the twinkling stars and the dark rippling rhythmic waves of the bay, made her wayward body relax into the cool leather.

The sound of bubbling coffeepot and the glaring golden rays of the sun eventually roused Raven from her stupor. Fortunately, she was not in as much pain as before when she woke up on the cold cement floor of the basement. She sat up and let out a yawn with a rather hearty stretch.

“Morning Raven.”

On any other day, Raven would’ve turned slightly peeved eyes on the traffic light Titan, but she was in no mood to. Instead she gave a plaintive “morning Robin.” 

He ran his eyes over her. “Glad to see, your using your Christmas present. What are you doing out here?” 

Raven cursed internally and began scrambling for an excuse. “I- I was meditating and began to get tired. So I laid down, didn’t expect to sleep through to morning.”

Robin laughed lightly. “I’ve done the same thing, intended for only a short nap then wound up sleeping way longer.” Then something in his look changed. “Raven have you been okay lately? You seem…” he trailed off. “Troubled.”

She flicked her eyes down at that. “I’ve just been having trouble sleeping lately. That’s all.” 

“Are you having nightmares?”

“Not really.” Robin’s gaze continued to stay fixed on her. “I just feel…uneasy when I sleep. Its probably not dissimilar to how you felt when you were affected by the dust in Slade’s mask.” Hopefully, he’d buy the lie. Though Raven knew that probably wasn’t the case.

A yawn broke the silence between the two. “Morning ya’ll.” Cyborg said with a stretch. “I’m making breakfast today. I’m thinking cinnamon rolls, omelets, fresh squeezed juice, and sausage! Wanna help?”

“Sure,” Robin responded. Both of them turned to look at Raven. 

“Okay, just let me get dressed first.” She left the kitchen as the two of them began pulling things out of drawers and cupboards. Walking into her room, Raven resigned to rearranging her room after breakfast. After her conversation with Robin this morning, it couldn’t be delayed any longer. As fast as her muddled mind would permit her, she threw on her uniform and plodded back to the kitchen.

“Hey Raven, wanna make the omelets?” Robin asked. Then as if remembering something akin to those pancakes she’d made them before the end of the world, his expression twisted and he spoke again. “I’ll help you out.” 

She nodded and began cracking the eggs without using her powers. Both Cyborg and Robin took note. Cyborg merely shrugged and went back to kneading the dough. Robin, however, kept his eyes trained onto her watching as she struggled to pick out the shells that she’d accidentally dropped into the mix. Raven grew more angry with the way things were going as she caught Robin watching her. Trying to appear normal just made her more of a klutz and she had to bite her tongue to stop from muttering curses under her breath. “Good morning friends!” Starfire beamed.

The sudden noise caused Raven’s powers to flare up and she lost control, a black swirl of energy upturning the bowl where the eggs sat. Starfire let out an “eep!” Raven clenched her hands into fists and put her head down, trying to bring her breathing back under control. Having someone other than Cyborg there was irksome and it was already wearing at her nerves. Raven pulled her hood up and left the kitchen abruptly. Beast Boy shuffled in after her, then looking past him turned to the other Titans. 

“Is everything ok? Usually Raven doesn’t do that until I come in.” He observed.

Robin sighed a little. Beast Boy had a point. Raven was acting strange. Ordinarily, he would’ve minded his own business and only gotten involved if Raven had asked him. Now that he thought about it though, he could barely feel her connection to him. Usually, their bond was somewhere near the front of his mind, but now? In retrospect it had been some time since he felt anything from her. Times like this when Raven had surges of emotion, there would generally be some sort of residual feelings on Robin’s end. After they’d tried to throw her a birthday party it was unmistakable, but now there was…nothing.

“Robin?” Starfire’s voice cut into his thoughts.

“Huh? What was that Star?” This thing with Raven would have to wait, but he figured that it might not be a bad idea to ask her about it.

Meanwhile, Raven was raiding her closet. Something had to be done. She couldn’t repress things much longer and Raven feared if trouble were to come to the city that she might not be any help to the rest of the Titans, but more so than that; she feared she might actually be a liability in battle. She shuddered at the potential consequences. One of her friends could get critically injured or killed…

Throwing on some dark gray jeans and a purple hoodie, Raven gathered her strength as best she could and teleported to the city. The first chilly winds of early winter were giving way to the iciness of January. She walked into the public library and stood a moment in the entryway to warm up her hands. The idea was stupid at some level Raven admitted. After all, there was only so much information to be found when you were the daughter of a demon. Still, Raven thought it might be valuable to gather some information; so she began plucking books from the various shelves and sat down at a table to do one of the things that she did best, research. Raven half considered checking the books out and heading home as the snow started to pick up, but she didn’t want to risk having one of the other Titans spot the books she was currently searching through. Several psychology books, a few pamphlets on PTSD, books on Freud’s theory of dreams and the occult were spread out around her. Luckily, the bad weather outside kept people away so Raven basically had the place to herself. She vaguely wondered if any of the other Titans had trouble sleeping. There was Robin those few times, and she secretly wished she’d paid more attention when he was obsessed with Slade. How’d he do it? What were the techniques he used to manage? How long afterwards had it taken for him to get a decent night’s sleep? Was he terrified to close his eyes like she was? 

Several hours passed since Raven entered the library and she was getting frustrated; she felt she was no closer to an answer than she’d been when she arrived. She stayed until the custodian locked the place up for the night and then walked the few blocks to her favorite depressing cafe for some tea and a scone or something to give her some energy to teleport back to the tower. Raven was determined to rearrange her room later. Maybe changing up her space is exactly what she needed. Hopefully, the rest of the Titans would be distracted with something like a movie or video game and she could tend to her task in peace. 

Raven wandered back into the tower; the amount of energy it took to teleport back there had taken its toll. She was exhausted and her temples began to throb lightly in agitation. She strolled through the common room and caught a glimpse of what appeared to be a giant popcorn fight. Couch cushions were propped up forming makeshift forts. Beast Boy and Cyborg were gleefully giggling and throwing popcorn at one another. Robin was crouching with his arm around Starfire. They were smiling and tossing a few handfuls of popcorn at the other two Titans. At that sight, Raven’s agitation turned into obstinate anger. They all had it so easy! They all had it so easy and they didn’t even know it! They didn’t know what it was like to endlessly struggle! Sure, they’d had their moments, Robin more than anyone else, but they all managed to get past them! They weren’t some hell spawned princess of darkness doomed to forever be plagued by horrific visions and nightmares. The snake of envy had coiled around her heart and sunken in its fangs, shooting its nasty venom through her veins. Raven’s heart began to pound harder and she felt herself get uncomfortably hot. The lightbulbs in the hall burst one by one in a force of dark energy. She cursed under her breath. 

Raven hastily made her way to her room, knowing that as soon as one of the other Titans noticed the damage in the hallway that someone was sure to pay her a visit. She didn’t want to begin her rearranging yet, if someone walked in then they’d have questions and Raven was in no mood to answer them. Instead, she assumed her familiar lotus position and began to chant. She was no more than five minutes in when a knock sounded at the door.

“Raven, its Robin. Can I come in?” She grunted lightly and flung open the door with her magic. He stepped in and began walking towards her. “Hey, is everything okay? There’s lightbulbs- “

“I know.” She snapped. Then taking a breath to hide the anger in her voice. “I’m sorry, I lost control for a moment and that was the result.” Robin stood there staring at her; Raven had not troubled to get off her bed or out of lotus. “I’ll clean it up.” She said in a bid to get him to leave. There was still anger burning through her at the scene she saw earlier and while those sorts of things usually didn’t bother her, the lack of sleep was making it difficult to see things clearly. 

“Cyborg has it covered.” Robin replied. He still stood there as if wanting to discuss more. 

“Please leave.” She said ushering towards the door and opening it with her magic. Robin obeyed and stepped out into the shadowy hallway.

The door hissed shut and Robin sighed in irritation. He wanted to ask Raven about their bond, or lack thereof, but her attitude was such that he didn’t think it wise to bother her too much. While she was the most private Titan next to himself, this level of secrecy was extreme even for her. Of course he really couldn’t say anything, he did after all, go on the other side of the law and betray his friends with the Red-X persona. He shuddered, that was one thing he didn’t like to think about. He figured he could always talk with her tomorrow when they had a few moments alone.

Raven waited several more hours until it was nearly night before she focused her energy as best she could and levitated everything in her room. She put her bed facing the window so the stars would glimmer in her view. Her bookshelf was moved across the room and the mirror, which spooked her as of late was placed far away near the door. If the sun bothered her, she could always pull the dark blackout curtain and catch a few more Zs. Pleased with her work, Raven took a hot shower, brushed her teeth and lit candles around the room to cast some soothing light. She fell into bed and closed her eyes, too tired to fear what awaited her in her nightmares. 

She was falling, falling at breakneck speeds. The entire land around her a darkened wasteland. A fiery river of lava lay under her. She fell through the ashen clouds and no matter how many times she chanted or reached her hand out or concentrated she could not summon her magic. Raven’s heart began to beat at odd intervals and the fear running though her was nearly paralyzing. Her body tensed and her neck was frozen as she was forced to gaze into the remnants of her home. Thick ash scratched into her throat and it choked her ability to breathe or scream. 

A sharp twitch of her leg brought Raven out of her terror and to her surroundings. She’d banged her leg off of something rough and warm blood oozed from the wound. Her ankle was twisted slightly. The lights of the city glared at her and the gentle rolling of the bay’s waves licked cold water onto her pajama pants. Raven’s body was perched uncomfortably on the jagged rock edge of the tower’s island. Raven winced in pain as she whispered out her mantra and fell onto her bed. She took a few deep breaths to settle her mind fearing Robin could detect her pain through her end of the bond due to her sleepiness and lack of concentration. Her head was foggy and heavy…there was no way she could heal this injury now. Turning gingerly, Raven curled up around her pillow and stared into the blackness until she fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Raven was falling again.The same desolate hellish land lay untouched around her.The quiet was a death like hush and was unsettling to say the least.The air seemed to be absent because every time she tried to breathe her heart raced erratically as if panicking at the lack of atmosphere.Somewhere in her mind it occurred to her that this was a dream and when she hit the ground she’d wake up like last time.Though some trepidation stayed with her as she vaguely wondered where or if she’d teleport.That same feeling of longing for something, anything under her feetmade her twist and reach clawing desperately for something, anything to slow her descent.Suddenly she hit the ground and looked about herself.She was in a cemetery; a high wall of dirt alive and squirming with thousands of writhing maggots and a dark lid stared back at her.A casket!Raven began writhing against the sickeningly slippery silk of the casket as the lid closed trapping her inside.She banged her fists on the lid and a painful glow lit up the area.Flames licked her body and shot searing, stabbing, shooting pain through her.Raven continued to pound on the casket’s lid with her hands frantically trying to save herself from being incinerated alive.A heat passed through her and fire consumed her vision. 

She sat up and abruptly; her head whacked into something.“No!”Raven cried out with a parched throat.She beat her fists as hard as she could on the surface.Raven let out several breaths as the dimly lit aircraft bay came into view.She must’ve been crying in her sleep again as her throat was sore and her eyes burned.Wiping some sweat off her brow, she fully fixed herself in her comfy plush seat.The stark orange of the ship, rows of bright LED lights and the clear domed glass above her that bore a glare from the lights reflecting off of it made her breathe out in relief.She’d teleported to her pod of the T-ship and not the coffin about to be incinerated as she’d disturbingly dreamt.Raven rubbed her head and felt to make sure there was no lump.Her wrists and hands ached; bruises were already beginning to form.Too upset for movement and feeling her dark energy crackling around her arms and fingertips, she bent her head down onto the ship’s controls and breathed deep.A few more tears slipped out as she got herself back under control.The crackling sensation in her limbs faded into pins-and-needles and then to soft pricks…under control for the moment.Her body protested as she stiffly tried to uncurl her body from the position she had been.The aircraft bay struck her as eerie so she concentrated and teleported back to her room.The sun was beginning to rise, so she carefully hobbled over to the window and pulled the curtain shut.There was a little sliver of light that speared into the room near the bed, just enough to hopefully keep her grounded should another nightmare arise.Almost an hour of tossing and turning ensued before Raven finally fell asleep. 

The indulgence didn’t last long however as a knock came at her door.Raven let out a sound like a mama grizzly bear and jerked the covers away.A hard pulse of cold assaulted her and she shivered as she made her way to the door, stopping only to grab her cloak and pin it in place.Her face screwed up as she put weight on her bad ankle.Dismayed at it not healing fully while she was asleep, Raven limped slowly across the room to her door.She pulled her hood up and opened her door a crack only to be faced with a mask.“Hey Raven, you doing okay?”

“Fine.What do you want?” 

“We’re headed out to run some errands.I- well, we were wondering if you needed or wanted anything?”

“No.”Raven closed the door and let a small smile onto her face.She’d have the tower all to herself and could relax.Ever since her surge of anger yesterday, the prospect of having some complete alone time was appealing.Her friends still annoyed her.Their lives were so easy compared to hers!Raven unclasped her cloak and let it drop as she fell into bed again and closed her eyes.The sounds of the garage opening and bridge to the city extending out gave her a measure of comfort at her time alone.

She only managed to get another forty minutes of sleep before she woke with a start hastily surveying the area around her.Raven ground her teeth together.Rearranging her room hadn’t seemed to help anything.It was hopeless!Raven let out a loud yawn and stretching slowly, got out of bed.Or at least she tried to, but she found herself on the carpet.Now she was tripping over nothing.Enough was enough, she had to meditate to heal her ankle.Already the torment was swirling inside her and there was a weight on her chest.Going over to the thermostat, she lowered the temperature and made a circle of candles.Raven was too tired to recite a full incantation and perform a spell circle.Instead she settled on doing a technique that she hadn’t done since she was a child on Azarath.She brought her largest candle, a chubby one that smelled like sugar cookies that Beast Boy had given her last Christmas, and focused on the flame dancing around as she controlled her breathing.It jumped and wiggled with her gentle breaths.A sigh escaped her at the memory of her home dimension. 

Raven grew irritated with herself, she had beaten off the demon of demons and saved the entire universe!And yet her mind wouldn’t let her forget, wouldn’t let her stop fighting, and more importantly wouldn’t let her rest.She longed for her mother.Raven hadn’t wanted her mother so much as she wanted her now; a hot lump rose in her throat.Tears threatened to stream down her face.Even in the peaceful golden glow of the candlelight, Raven struggled not to cry.It sounded stupid, but Raven wanted nothing more than her mother to hug her and tell her that everything would be okay.She just wanted someone to reassure her.She missed those few nights that she’d gotten to see her mother when she was younger.Arella would read to her and tell her stories until she fell asleep.Now that was sleep that Raven needed right now; she craved it with an almost inhuman longing that made her sick to think that she could never have that again.And she likely never would as long as she lived.Raven was used to being on her own, used to solving her own problems and used to managing her problems alone.Now for the perhaps the first time in her life, she longed for help.Her mind was muddled; she couldn’t trust the coherent thoughts that she could manage to form because in her exhausted mind it wasn’t likely anything that would be any help.

She stood up suddenly and bolted out of her room.The gust of wind putting out the candles. One more minute in there was stretching her sanity.Raven was hungry.Lately she had been eating a lot of sweets.And now she had a craving for pizza.The team constantly ate pizza and Raven had begun to get tired of it, preferring instead to stick to fruit or some soup.Lately though, it seemed as though they never had pizza around and of course now was when she wanted it.Raven couldn’t wait for delivery, and she was in no mood to leave the tower to get some.Luckily, there was some stashed away in the freezer.It probably belonged to Cyborg or Robin judging by the toppings, but she knew they wouldn’t mind.Even if they did, she didn’t care.Raven had never been a big fan of frozen pizza and she never ate a frozen pizza before that she actually enjoyed.At the moment though, the cheese tasted heavenly, the crust was browned to a delicious crisp and the meat was perfectly seasoned and juicy.Raven devoured the whole thing and began searching for something sweet to go with it.Another thing she didn’t ordinarily do, but sugar just seemed to taste so yummy lately.She settled on some sugar cookies, another thing she tended to dislike and put down four of them.With the vigor that the food afforded her, Raven sat down for a meditation session, but first, she had to heal her sore ankle from yesterday. 

Even after another few hours of meditating and a half-hearted attempt at exercising to wear herself out, Raven still doubted she’d be able to get a relaxing sleep.So instead she hooked up a spare TV in her room and put on some sort of nature documentary.The narrating was boring and so close to monotone that it couldn’t even hold Raven’s interest.Before she knew what was happening, she had drifted off for a late afternoon nap.

Raven was in the tower, it was dark and sparsely lit.She almost swore she was awake and had teleported again, but the problem was that the hallways and walls were tilted and met at odd angles.Nope definitely a dream…or was it?Perhaps her powers were acting up again.Raven had been a little dizzy lately, and her vision was beginning to suffer as a result.She began walking descending into the dark shadows and warped architecture.Red eyes popped up next to her and then suddenly two more joined them.A roar shook the tower around her and Raven collapsed to her knees.Trigon stood in front of her, a giant looming menacingly above.“No!No!This can’t be true!I destroyed you!”She exclaimed.Raven flew up to him, got ready to yell out her mantra to send him back to the hellish dimension from whence he came, but as soon as she looked into his blood red eyes and tried to speak her voice was gone!She stared into the face of hellish horror and though she moved her mouth, it was as if her voice was been snatched from her throat.Raven was thrown back into the shadows.She readied another attack and stood to face him, but he was gone.Her eyes snapped shut, trying to will the visions away.The landscape was still tilted and confusing like something out of Alice in Wonderland.Black swirling fabric was twirling around her, reminding her of the various cults and sadists that worshipped her father.Trigon was there twirling in a torrent of black fabric.Worse yet, her friends were unconscious and suspended nearby.Raven used her magic to free her friends sending them all dropping to the ground.She flew straight at her father and grabbing his horrid horns, yelled “Azarath Metrion Zinthos!”

Except nothing came out.Her voice was again gone.Her friends were yelling.Yelling for her help!“I’m coming!”She cried frantically, her voice ringing out clear as a bell.Then why couldn’t she send Trigon back from whence he came?Why was this happening?!She was floating now; floating in some random storage room in the tower, the water was flying up out of the sinks and random objects were floating around half cloaked in onyx shadows.The room began to melt, slipping and dripping away to reveal her friends being sawed and hellfire dancing and leaping around a red landscape.Trigon brought a fist on top of her sending her down into the fires.She recovered in the air and flew towards him.Dozens of fire demons were on her tail as she tried to scream her spell at the top of her lungs “AZARATH METRION ZINTHOS!”The result was the same though as nothing came out.She was punched and fiery steel like arms wrapped around her body and it sent flying backwards into blackness.

Raven got up gingerly to watch the landscape around her shift as she was bathed in colored light.She looked up to see the large circular stained glass window of a church.It was hauntingly familiar somehow…Raven recognized it as the church that she had brought Robin to after she’d released him from her time freezing spell on her fateful birthday.Her stomach sunk at the realization.Her friends stood around her.Raven watched horrified as one by one they disappeared and Robin was suddenly in his grasp.She was angry, but moreover frustrated.Why wasn’t her spell working on him.Why did it work every other time but not with him?“Raven!”Robin yelled.“Help me!”Trigon grinned at her helplessness.She flew towards Trigon trying to speak her spell, but her voice was mute.He batted her down as swiftly as if she was no more than a harmless housefly.She felt herself jolt as she hit into several pews.Her eyes glowed black and she rallied to face the demon once more.

“I’m taking you down!”Raven shouted.Trigon let out tremendous roar shaking the ground and sending the walls crumbling down.The stained glass above her collapsed and rained down sharp gemstone like pieces of vivid color, cutting her body.The glass caused burning sensations to spring up all over as the warmth of fresh blood snaked down across her. 

“You’ll never defeat me dear daughter!”

“I’ll destroy you!Azarath Metrion Zinthos!”Raven’s threat came out okay, but the spell once again was silent and there was no effect.Robin made an odd gurgling sound.He was on fire.She was on fire.The whole area was on fire.Raven screamed out at the pain.

“AHHHH!”She yelled wrenching herself away from the burning.Steam shot out at her and turned her gray skin red.Raven looked down to inspect the burning in her palm and hand.That was a nice burn.Raven grimaced and shook her hand out to cool it down.She would have to teleport right next to the tower’s industrial sized hot water heater.At least it was just a steam burn, it could’ve been far worse.With her throbbing tomato red hand, Raven made her way to the med bay for some gauze and burn ointment.

Along the way, she heard the garage open and the loud voices of her team crescendo.Raven finished applying the ointment and wrapped her hand in a bandage.The burning sensation was still prominent.She pinned on her cloak and realized that she couldn’t get back to her room without passing the common room.That likely meant running into her friends.Raven wasn’t exactly in the mood to see them, but what else could she do?She still lacked the energy to teleport and wanted to save her magic for fighting.

Starfire was attempting to bake a cake and was busily stirring something in a bowl as she scanned the directions on the box.Raven’s stomach growled at that.She knew there was a problem when she was craving something that Starfire made.Even though it appeared that she was following the recipe, the alien princess had a tendency to try to “enhance” her cooking with other things laying around the tower.And the things laying around the tower weren’t always good.Raven wrinkled her nose in distain remembering the blue furry fungi-like substance that used to grow in their fridge.Robin was busily unloading the bags and meticulously putting things away.Beast Boy was flipping through a cookbook and it seemed to Raven that he was pulling out everything mere moments after Robin had put it away.Cyborg turned his head.“Hey Raven!”He called.“How were things while we were gone?”

“Quiet.”She replied dryly.

“Aw come on Raven!”Beast Boy said sliding up to her and grinning.“You know you missed me.”

“Hardly.”His smile dropped from his face immediately.

Raven walked over to the counter and began pouring herself a glass of water.Robin was looking at her funny.The white bandage wrapped around her hand was in sharp contrast to her black attire.She quickly moved her hand back under her cloak and out of sight.“Yo Rae!Dinner will be up soon.”Cyborg said as she left with her water.Raven didn’t acknowledge him and made her exit. 

“Raven do you not wish to stay?You can help me prepare the cake of confetti!”Star smiled holding up the whisk.

“No.”

“Funfetti Star.” Robin corrected.“Are you sure Raven?You haven’t been feeling sick lately have you?”

“No.”

“Then stay!”Beast boy argued.

“I said NO!”She yelled in a raspy voice and the stools by the counter cracked apart with her dark energy.Raven walked quickly out of the common room and down the hallway.Outside her room, there was a small box of chamomile tea with a note.

_Thought you could use this._

_-Cyborg_

She smiled tiredly and picked up the box to bring into her room.There was a lot to do tonight: avoid her friends for the evening, come up with an explanation for what had happened in the kitchen, mediate, try to do something soothing and moreover, try to heal her new injury.Seemed like she was doing that a lot lately… 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm late...I know and I'm sorry, but eyes open people of the internet! I will make it up to you soon :)

This was a big mistake. Raven rubbed her temples lightly and slammed her eyes shut. She began wondering why she’d even thought it was a good idea to go into the common room. In an effort to make things seem more normal, Raven had decided to make an attempt to engage more with her friends. So she did that the way she always had: sit in the common room and read. The large old textbook she was reading probably raised some eyebrows, but what did it matter? It mattered a great deal now because in her sleep-deprived state, her senses were being strained. Raven struggled to maintain her psychic shields that normally prevented her from picking up on her friends’ thoughts and feelings. 

As a powerful telepath, it was something she struggled with since she was born. Involuntarily getting people’s thoughts and feelings was not something that Raven enjoyed. It just disturbed her mental state and certain emotions of hers were outright dangerous. So everyday she would put up psychic shields to prevent that sort of thing from happening. It was a technique that she had taken great pains to learn as a child. 

And, much to Raven’s dismay, it was not working. 

She gritted her teeth together as memories from that time in her life returned. Raven felt much the same now, weak, helpless and utterly alone in the world. She’d considered talking to someone or asking for help, really she did but who could she turn to? Her mother existed as merely a spirit in another dimension. Her friends wouldn’t understand. Plus, even if there were someone she could talk to, how much help could they be to a half-human/half-demon hybrid? They wouldn’t understand; they’d never understand. Not only that, but Raven also felt horribly guilty. She felt like a failure; she was ashamed that she was feeling the way she was. It was almost as bad or perhaps worse lately since the time when she almost ended the world. Raven was no stranger to feeling alone in her life, she was rejected by the Justice League, cast out by the people of Azarath and forever viewed with suspicion wherever she ventured. The Titans were the only people that had ever just accepted her for who she is. Now, though Raven was feeling like she couldn’t even trust them with this. She sighed at the headache forming in her temples. Yes, Raven was no stranger to being cast out by everyone she turned to. But that didn’t mean that it hurt any less. Raven didn’t even know what she would say to someone who would be willing to help her. She got jealous of people who could so easily go get help or just allow themselves to feel emotions. When those sorts of feelings bubbled to the surface, being around her teammates was nearly unbearable. The tide of voices elevated a notch and Raven slammed her eyes shut trying desperately to put her psychic shield back up. 

It was like she was a young child again on Azarath. It had been a tremendous struggle for the young Raven to learn how to control her powers so she wouldn’t probe anybody’s mind unwillingly or usher in the end of the world. Raven remembered the agonizing hours she spent in deep meditation. It would tire her out so much and was so frustrating to the little child that sometimes all she wanted to do was cry and throw a tantrum. That wasn’t possible though, she had to swallow her emotion and be okay for the sake of the everybody else. Raven longed to be able to express herself fully and just be a kid, but that was something that she could never do. Sometimes it got so bad that she just wanted to end her life. That couldn’t happen though, any surge of emotion would ensure her father’s path to destruction. Learning how to exist amongst emotions without feeling any initially took everything out of her. After over a decade of intense training she was able to do it almost effortlessly. 

Today, however, was not one of those days. 

Raven was bombarded with the frustration of Cyborg and Beast Boy as they engaged in some sort of dispute. She was unsure of what it was due to her mental energy being consumed trying to block their emotions out. The tower seemed inescapably loud. The clinking of the dishwasher, the buzz of the fluorescent lights, the hum of the towers generator, the tide of voices, even the gentle wisp of air escaping from the vents seemed deafening. Her eyes darted around trying to locate the sources of all the noise; it was unbearable and unbelievably overwhelming. The frustration and anger among the two buys was increasing. Raven rubbed her temples as she tried to steady her book with one hand. It was getting harder and harder to concentrate. She felt her stomach churn. 

“Gimme ya grass stain that’s my- “ 

“-motor oil, usb right way plugging in-“

She ground her teeth together to the point of causing her jaw to begin throbbing. Raven became lightheaded, dropped her book and bent herself in half, head nearly between her knees. 

The voices got louder. Their emotions became hers; the heat from the anger and the dryness in the back of their throats was beginning to overtake her. Raven exploded. “Can you two ever just shut up and act your age?!” Cyborg and Beast boy’s heads snapped towards her. Her throat was burning, her heartbeat was loud and tension was pulling at her temples. Snatching up her book, she flew out of the room as quick as she could. The wind slapped against her face and her heart began to beat wildly; it seemed to be going so fast that her pulse was undetectable. Raven felt her chest tighten. She flew into her room and slumped against the door. The clinking, humming, buzzing and now tornado like wind in her room only increased her headache. Raven fell to the floor head in her hands and tried to take in deep breaths as random objects around the room began floating.

“I think the breaking up would be the best for us-”

“Baldy!”

“-always be friends Star.”

“Grass satin! For the last time-”

“-always Robin.”

Raven grabbed her head and let out a weak cry at the sensations bombarding her. The world around her was loud…too loud. Sensations were pulsing through her at a high rate, the tide of voices rose to a high pitch. She fell into bed clutching her head tighter between her palms, hoping to crush it like a walnut. Raven needed silence. But there was nothing to do! The objects floating in her room began swirling around in a torrent before shattering.   
The tower shook like a mighty earthquake and a burst of energy travelled trough it. Blackness consumed the area. Raven felt the energy pulse into her knocking her to the ground. Colors swirled around her as the world went black.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~0o0o0o0o0o0ooo0o0000o0o00~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Raven woke up to four faces hovering over her. “Raven what happened? Are you okay?” Robin asked as Cyborg offered her a hand to stand up.   
“Absolutely fine.” She lied feeling the background noise overwhelming her once more. Raven was ready to shout something along the lines of keep your thoughts to yourself, but no such luck. Worry nagged at her as she was bombarded with their thoughts again.

“what’s going on wit-“

“hope she’s ok-

“-nothing from the bond.”

“Raven’s emotional schmorlax-“

“-so bad.”

“apologize to-“ 

Things in her room began floating again., luckily she didn’t think any of her friends noticed. “Get OUT!” Her voice taking on a sinister demonic growl.

The Titans obeyed her scattering out.


	6. Chapter 6

Fang was causing trouble again.

Internally, Raven began seething at the mention of his name. The last time they met was when the rest of the Titans showed up just in time to watch Robin and Starfire dance at their “coronation” as prom king and queen. Raven had been pretty indifferent that day, but given what had been happening with her lately, her anger spiked so fast that she wondered if something somewhere in the tower didn’t explode. The flash of fury had been so quick that Raven could barely register what had happened before she calmed it. Her pulse began racing and she immediately felt hot all over. She knew she should’ve meditated, but she just didn’t have the time earlier. Now, Raven regretted it. Although glad it was Fang and not someone as dangerous as say Slade, Plasmus or Cinderblock, she was nevertheless worried about endangering herself, her friends or a civilian. Nobody mentioned her odd behavior the previous day. She hadn’t even left her room since that incident; this was the first time she saw her friends in over twenty four hours. 

Well if nobody said anything, she certainly wasn’t going to.

Raven flew downtown with Beast Boy in pterodactyl form to her right and Starfire flying down near Robin. Raven just wanted to get this over with. Cyborg was following in his car and she could feel the concern radiating from him. A pang of guilt assailed her at that, but she shook it off. She was already having a bad day.

And naturally it was going to get worse. 

Fang had already hit up a few jewelry stores when the Titans caught up with him. Worse yet, there were civilians that had gathered all around to see the fight. Raven took in a breath before charging in. But immediately after she joined in, Fang hit her in the face with venom. “Raven!” Beast Boy yelled and Cyborg rushed over to catch her. Immediately she sat up in his arms, angrier than before especially at such a rookie mistake.

“Yo Rae you alright?”

She shook her head and tried to fight off the wave of nausea that the venom caused. It was only made worse by her sleepiness. “I’m okay.” She said taking off again. Fang led them to a building that had been burned by fire just the week prior. And naturally the people followed. He climbed to the top and spinning his spider legs, sent a wave of debris crashing down. 

“Raven! The civilians!” Came Robin’s yell. She diverged from her path towards the villain and dove down to protect the people. She spoke her mantra and nothing happened. Her hands crackled with black energy but her shield didn’t form. Terrified screams pierced her ears and children began to wail in their parents’ arms. Raven hurriedly muttered out her magic spell several more times. The debris was getting closer. She flew right above them and finally after several attempts and her heart about to hammer through the bones of her ribcage, formed a shield above the crowd. Raven struggled to hold up the falling mess. She moved the wood, nails and ashy metal out of the way of the crowd. A cry wrenched out from her as she hit the ground hard with her knees; the effort and the scare that she just had taking too much out of her. She looked over at her teammates fighting Fang and was relieved that none of them likely noticed that little episode. Fang rained down more of the burnt house on them. Starfire yelped, Cyborg huffed and Beast Boy cried out as Robin grunted. Unable to control herself any longer, Raven’s magic flared out and shielded her teammates. Raven rushed him and swirling her magic out, kicked Fang in the head sending him flying off of the tall structure. She then used her black magic to immobilize his human legs. Black waves lurched out wrenching his freaky spider legs up at an angle they weren’t meant to go. They broke with a revolting crunch. It sounded like squishing a very large crusty bug. Greenish yellow goo leaked out from his head. Raven came down hard next to him as her world was consumed in darkness. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~0o0o0o0o0o0ooo0o0000o0o00~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Robin busied himself outside the med bay putting away the gauze and burn ointment that had been left out. It was his turn to watch Raven and the slow beeping of the heart monitor lulled him into a daze. All was quiet and the dimmed lights made for a relaxing atmosphere. Robin, however, was far from relaxed. He was determined to talk to Raven about their bond. Something was wrong with her…he could feel it. The numerous interruptions in their conversation were irritating him. He was going to talk to her. Her behavior was really abnormal. Normally he’d just leave her to her own devices because he knew how much she valued her privacy and independence, but her time was up. Obviously, she needed something or someone else to help her. 

Raven saw a river swirling into darkness yet tinged with the scarlet color of fresh blood. Tiny dots were rolling through them. No…not tiny dots- heads! Freshly severed heads! Their looks of terror frozen on their faces as bright ruby colored streaks streamed behind them. She looked on in horror, limbs shaking as the heads of her friends swirled into the mirky waters and drifted away from her. She tried calling out to them, but her voice was choked off at the horror of it all. The sickening smell of bile permitted the air and Raven was forced to swallow down vomit. Their voices were echoing around her…yells of pain, screams of agony and the sounds of life being ended in a flurry of torment.

Meanwhile, Robin was organizing files on the main computer system when the loud beeping and alarms went off. Red screens were flashing and the heart monitor was going crazy. Then the unnerving continuous beep sound of the heart monitor flatlining made his blood turn to ice. Robin ran into the med bay door to find it empty with the wires scattered on the bed. Deciding not to wake his team, Robin pulled out his communicator and began following Raven’s signal.

Raven wiped the cold sweat off of her brow. She breathed a little easier at seeing the inside of her room and sniffing its pleasant lavender scent. The stars twinkled like a curtain of diamonds in the night sky and the reflection rippled on the placid water so serene it resembled a mirror. She pulled off a few of the sticky pads on her skin and it was only then she noticed the jewel on her cloak blinking. Why would it do that? Her door opened with a loud swooshing sound. Robin ran in and stopped in his tracks as she faced him. “Raven what are you doing in here? Are you okay? Your heart monitor was going crazy. I got scared when it flatlined.”

Taking a moment to appraise him, it was apparent that he wasn’t lying. Robin looked like a mess; his normally stoic face was contorted in worry, his limbs were shaking lightly and a few beads of sweat dotted his forehead. She swallowed to steady her voice before speaking. “I’m fine Robin. I just left the med bay because I’d rather recover in here.” 

He took a step forward towards her. “Raven you scared me half to death.” He paused before continuing. “I thought I lost you and with me not feeling our bond lately, I got worried that you…” Robin trailed off.

The bond…Raven felt a guilty pang in her chest. She purposefully guarded her end so that Robin wouldn’t experience the tumult that she was dealing with. From that little trip inside his head, Raven knew that Robin had his share of tragedy and nightmares too. But it seemed as though that was not a problem anymore. How did he do it? Time most likely. What was that old phrase? Time heals all wounds or something to that effect?

“I’m sorry I scared you Robin.” Raven said smoothly, intentionally skipping over any mention of their bond. She didn’t need anything more to think about right now. Her mind was already a maelstrom swamped with more thoughts, most of them traumatizing, that she could handle already. She did not need to add things to the already awful mix. “I just got a bad headache and wanted to be in the dark in my room where things are more familiar and comfortable for me. That’s all.” 

Robin gave her a long probing look. After what seemed like forever to Raven, holding her façade, he nodded. “Okay Raven, but I’ll stay with you to make sure you’re alright.”

Her eyes went wide; her magic threatened to spurt out, but she caught it in time. “That’s not necessary Robin. I’ll be alright.” Raven tried to reassure him. 

Robin offered her a small smile. “I know you will Raven, but please. It’ll make me feel better. I’ll stay just until you fall asleep.” He bargained.

Raven sunk down onto the bed as she answered. “If it’ll help you then go ahead.” She considered levitating a chair over for him, but decided against it. Anything seeming out of place about her magic would raise questions; she was in no mood to answer them. Luckily, Robin went to her vanity and pulled a chair over to the side of her bed; Raven settled in, pulling the covers up to hide her body from him. She didn’t know why but she was more self conscious lately. 

A few moments of silence passed before Robin spoke again. “Did you redecorate in here?”

“Yeah I moved everything around, needed a bit of a change.” Raven replied looking at him. 

Robin nodded. “I understand. I’ve been wanting to get my room in some order and rearrange a few things. Maybe you could help me.”

“Of course.” She answered curling up slightly.

Raven felt uneasy having him sitting here staring at her as she tried to get comfortable. There was definitely more on his mind, that was for certain; she didn’t need to be a telepath to figure that out. He clearly wanted to talk about it, but seemed to be holding it back. Raven watched as Robin looked around her room, scanning the various mystical objects and oddly shaped furniture. He looked intrigued by many of the items. Finally he spoke again. “What happened earlier with Fang?” 

She sighed a little, half in disgust at the events of the day and half at exasperation at him asking. “I let my powers get out of control. I’ve been shirking my meditation lately.”

“Cyborg said you were having trouble sleeping.”

Damn him. “Yes, but my meditation is important and I know better than to let it slide. I don’t know why I didn’t bother…I guess I just wanted to feel more normal, I guess…” Raven finished quietly, not meaning to reveal so much to her leader. 

“More normal?” Robin questioned.

The half demon drew in a breath. Raven knew she could freely express herself with Robin and he’d never lose respect for her for all her complaints. He seemed to be the only one willing to hear her out about how tough it was being the daughter of a demon and all the ramifications that came with it. 

“I know I never talk about this much, but I sometimes wish I could be more normal. More able to feel things, more able to express myself, more able to have normal relationships with people, more able to have a deeper level of connection to you all. I sometimes get jealous of everybody and how easy your lives seem.” Raven paused. “I know that most of team’s lives haven’t been ‘easy’ per se, but I just can’t help it sometimes.” Robin looked at her intently. “And if I don’t meditate my feelings get out of hand and so do my powers. You know my powers are driven by my emotions and how dangerous they can be. I can’t feel as you do and I get jealous, that’s all.” 

The masked man’s eyes went down and then met hers. “I never knew you felt that way Raven.” He admitted and smiled a little bitterly. Her life hadn’t been easy, but she was so quiet about it that he just figured it was best to leave it alone and not breach the topic. “I never knew how hard it must be for you. I’m really glad you told me. And remember you don’t have to fight alone Raven.” Robin said putting a hand on her cheek. 

Raven felt a warmth creeping up her face and spoke again. “Although funnily enough that same strange envy that I feel for you and the rest of the team are the same things that make me enjoy you.”

Robin cocked a brow. “What do you mean Raven?”

“I mean, I love Cyborg’s big brother attitude. I love Starfire’s exuberant joyfulness. I love your personality that’s so similar to mine and your response to me when we first met.” Raven paused, hesitating a little. “I even love Beast Boy’s antics, even though they get on my nerves a lot. Those things are what make each of you who you are. And although I can be jealous at how free you all are, I would never want those things gone.” She finished staring into his masked eyes. 

After several moments, he responded. “You know what I love? I’ve told you I think you’re the most hopeful person I’ve ever met, but more than that, I love our bond that we share.” Raven’s face didn’t change, but inside she got slightly unnerved by that revelation. “Its like you said we’re so similar and I’m okay with you knowing everything about me. Out of all the people on the team, I’m glad you’re the one I’m closest with.” A pause. “I’m glad you’re my best friend Raven.” 

Raven let a rare smile grace her features at that. “I’m glad you’re my best friend too Robin.”

He smiled back at her. A few moments passed as the birds both basked in contentment at their previous conversation. “Hey, you gotta take these or Cyborg will be angry with me.” Robin said deciding to wait on questioning her about their bond; he felt that Raven had been through enough tonight. She certainly looked it, exhaustion wearing at her features and dark prominent bags cradling her eyes. He passed her a little bottle. She read the label. It was some kind of sleeping pill. Now that was an idea that would likely work to get her the rest she needed. Raven was afraid to use pills before because she was afraid of growing dependent on them and moreover not being able to wake herself from a nightmare due to the effects of the drug. She truly wasn’t sure if she wanted to be woken up or not. The constant waking up was starting to affect her health, mentally and physically, but it was preferable to being trapped in the traumatizing world of her nightmares. Robin held out a glass of water to her and she quickly downed two capsules before she could overthink things anymore. 

“Goodnight Robin.” Raven said rolling over.

“I’m staying here until you fall asleep Raven.” He stated matter-of-factly.

Raven let out a yawn. “Suit yourself boy blunder.” A small laugh came from him. She felt off at having someone watch her while she was trying to get to sleep. It was strange. Although having Robin watching her was infinitely better than having Cyborg, Starfire or Azar help her, Beast Boy, it was still none too pleasant. While the silence wasn’t awkward, Raven’s brain was working in overdrive, but her lack of sleep prevented her from forming any coherent thoughts. She tried to think of something that she could ask him about and get him talking. “Hey Robin,” Raven said without rolling over. “What are the logistics of that new combined team attack you were mentioning to me last week?” There…that should get him talking, its dry monotonous and better than asking him to tell her a bedtime story. That’d just be weird. Robin began talking, but it faded into the background as Raven drifted off to sleep. 

Robin knew that Raven had fallen asleep. She had flipped over onto her stomach and lay sprawled out with her face buried deep in her pillow. Her eyes were closed and her breathing was deep. Robin waited a little while longer until he was sure Raven was asleep before pulling the covers up over her as he exited the dark room.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody! Guess what sucks? Getting the flu! Guess what I got? That's right. On with the story!

Robin let her sleep in the next morning.The rest of the team was running practice drills on the tower’s obstacle course.“Why does she get to sleep in?”Beast Boy complained rubbing his behind where a laser had just hit him.

“She was injured yesterday.”Robin said flatly.

“That doesn’t mean I’m incapable of training.”Raven spoke calmly, walking over to her friends now staring at her in stunned silence.

Robin, still wide eyed, stepped forward and put out a hand.“Raven are you sure?”

She nodded.“Robin, I’m sure.”Her tone leaving no room for argument.

“You heard the lady.”Cyborg said and made his way to the controls.Robin following suit.

“Give her the usual.”

Raven’s hands crackled with dark energy.As the lasers kicked on and the course came to life, Raven sprang into action.She easily was able to move the stilts holding the lasers up and snap them with a flick of the wrist.“Woohoo!Go Raven!”Beast Boy yelled.The walls that came up to block her path were sliced with a precisely timed shards of darkness flying towards them.Next came the gas and the robots.Raven sealed herself in a bubble of her dark magic and then twirling like a torpedo she shot upwards and blasted out the edges of the bubble impaling the giant metal behemoths.“Kick the butt Raven!”Starfire squealed.Normally, Raven was indifferent to her teammates cheering.She never yelled things from the sidelines; Raven always made sure to congratulated them when they finished the obstacle course though.Now however, her teammates lauding seemed to make her feel a rush inside even as she flew up and landed a hard kick flip to another robot.The remaining robots that attempted to attack her got coated in her black magic and broken apart.Raven destroyed the obstacles with ease and managed to dodge every piece of debris flung at her; she nullified every incoming blade, rock and car sized weight effortlessly.Raven caught sight of Robin and Cyborg staring at her wide eyed; she landed in front of the now ruined obstacle course and pulled her hood down.Robin stared at her in stunned silence as Cyborg began grumbling about having to build new equipment.Starfire rushed over to congratulate her as Beast Boy began to mime a cowboy style shootout.She smiled at her teammates pleased to see how much better she was doing with a good nights sleep.

“Nice job Raven.” 

Starfire shook her hand very enthusiastically.“Oh yes!Very, very, well done friend!”

All eyes shifted to Beast Boy who shifted uncomfortably for a moment before replying.“Nice shooting Tex!Cyborg’s gonna have a bird.”He stated transforming into a chicken and squawking loudly.

“Count me out for sparring Robbie, gotta fix the obstacle course.”Cyborg sounded annoyed, but showed Raven a small glimpse of a grin as he walked away.She nodded her head in acknowledgement as a smirk found its way onto her face.

Robin’s voice brought her back to the conversation.“Alright team, split up into pairs to practice hand to hand combat.Starfire, Raven, no basting moves.Let’s go.”Beast Boy’s eyes immediately sought out Starfire. 

“I’ll take Starfire.”He said with a raise of his index finger and Raven could swear she saw a sweat drop roll down his forehead in embarrassment.Raven reasoned after the display he just saw, he probably didn’t want to have to fight her.He transformed into the cute kitten that Starfire loved as she squeaked in delight.Abruptly, Beast Boy turned into an elephant,Starfire held him up and threw him across the island before flying up to engage him.

“Guess its just you and me Raven.”Robin said ducking into a fighting stance.“I was going to say I’d go easy on you, but after what I just saw, that’s not going to happen.”

“Same here.”She put her hands up.

They knew each others’ fighting styles so well, that both spent a few minutes dancing around each other, testing, baiting to see if one or the other would react.Robin started things out, switching his feet and side kicked.Raven easily dodged it.This provoked Robin and he began sending a flurry of attacks her way.Sensing the movements quickly, she moved around and didn’t once raise her hand to use her magic.Since her little foray with her powers going wrong lately, Raven felt it best to hone her hand-to-hand combat skills in case she needed to rely on them.And with the great night sleep she had gotten, it was now possible.Her ability to predict her opponents moves returned.Raven spun around and hit Robin with a back kick square in the chest as he missed landing a roundhouse on her.Though she managed to attenuate the strength of the kick so as not to hurt Robin it was enough to send him onto his butt.He looked up at her slightly stunned.

She didn’t let down her guard and it was a good thing as Robin tried to sweep her feet out from under her.Raven jumped and switched her stance.When that was ineffective, Robin leaped up and tried to kick her in the head.She stepped out of the way at the last minute and grabbing his cape threw him to the ground.His mask widened so his eyes must’ve been as large as a dinner plate.Admittedly, Raven usually created shields with her magic.To see her idly evading his strikes as if they were from a rookie fighter instead of a highly trained master in hand-to-hand combat, stunned him.Had he purposefully gone easy on her?She extended a hand to him to help him up.Raven didn’t contemplate it as the rest of the Titans returned to their area sweat dripping off their forehead.“Alright team, good job today.You’re all dismissed.”

As she made her way back into the tower Raven heard Cyborg grumbling about not being dismissed cause he had to fix the obstacle course.She peeled off from the rest of the group walking to the tower and easily lifted some of the broken equipment with her powers.Cyborg looked up to see things being reassembled.“Thanks Rae.”He said walking over to a robot and beginning to work on it with the tools in her arm.“Seems like you’re feelings better.I’m guessing those pills helped?”

“Yes.I was actually able to sleep.”

“Any nightmares?”He asked moving onto the next robot she’d held together with her powers.

“None.”Raven replied.“I think I slept so soundly my mind didn’t even have the capacity to dream.”A pause, “sorry about the obstacle course, I didn’t mean to be so reckless.”

Cyborg just smiled as he moved down the line of robots, screwing in their parts.“No big deal, its worth it to see you feelings better again.All done.”He turned to her.“If you could move that into the dumpster everything will be all cleaned up.”

Raven let out a small smile for her big bro.Without a word, she levitated the debris into the dumpster nearby, closing and locking it.Cyborg slung an arm around her as they walked back into the tower. 

After showering and spending the afternoon meditating, Raven’s ritual to thank Azar was interrupted by her stomach growling.Despite this, Raven was practically over the moon with happiness.She had managed to have a good night’s sleep and best of all no nightmares.Her sleep was untouched by the horrific visions that made her suffer all those months.In fact, she’d felt better than she had in quite some time.She’d forgotten what it was like to b able to function normally.A small smile crossed her face at remembering her teammates congratulating her.Everyone seemed pleased that she was feeling better.Speaking of which, one of them turned towards her as she grabbed an apple out of the fridge.“Hey Raven, how are you feeling?”Robin asked.

“Better.Thank you.”She let a small smile onto her face as she took a bite of the apple.

“I assumed that was the case since you totally crushed the obstacle course this morning.”

“Not to mention kicking your butt in hand-to-hand combat.”Cyborg chimed in as he shot a nefarious grin at Robin.

Robin sent him a look and he quickly backed off.“I wanted to remind you that we’re here for you Raven.I’m here for you.Don’t hesitate, you can always talk to me.”

“I know Robin.Thank you.”Raven began to make her way out of the kitchen before Cyborg called her.

“Yo Rae!Zombie Tornado 1-3 movie marathon starts in an hour!”

She considered it for a moment.“I’ll be there.”Raven replied as she walked back to her room to change into her pajamas. 

The movie marathon dragged on until almost two ’o’ clock in the morning.No longer was movie night an annoyance or just a bad distraction to keep her from her awful nightmares.At reaching her room, Raven glanced at her nightstand and spotted the small bottle of sleeping pills that Robin had left there for her to take.She quickly grabbed two pills and gulped them down.Her bed felt exceptionally soft and the blankets extra fluffy as Raven crawled into bed; she couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt so comfy.The tower settled into a serene quiet as Raven drifted into sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello people! I just wanted to say thank you so much to everybody who's left kudos and commented. You guys make doing this worthwhile and I'm glad you're enjoying :) I've got more stories in the works. Meantime, on with the story!

All good things must come to an end.

But why did it have to end so soon?

Raven cursed whoever came up with that quote and how right they were.Her temples throbbed at the thought of all the old issues that began to resurface.The sleeping pills were no longer effective and Raven was despondent to learn that they were the highest dose available.She figured that being part demon would prevent her from building tolerance to them, but that was apparently not the case.Her nightmares came roaring back and they were now so bad that Raven would wake up unsure if she were still in the dream or not.She had to wash her sheets almost every night because she’d frequently wake up in a cold sweat with the wet sheets stuck to her.There would be hot and cold spots all over her body. Her throat would be dry and as of late it began to get sore.She made a mental note to buy a second set of sheets, all this laundry was getting old.Though the Titans took turns doing the chores, Raven was doing all of her own laundry lately.A knock came at the door.“Yo Rae!I’m collecting the laundry!”Speaking of which, she’d forgotten that was today.She made to yell back, but her sore throat wouldn’t permit it.Growling a little, Raven dragged herself to the door, but not in time as Cyborg opened it and stepped inside.“Rae you got- are you okay?”He asked the corners of his mouth tilting down slightly. 

“Fine, just a sore throat.I’ll wash my stuff.I don’t want to make you sick.”She spoke softly. 

Cyborg began making his way out.“Okay, just lemme know if you need something.”He called back.

Raven shut her door.Robin!She could talk to Robin!But her heart immediately sank at remembering their last real conversation.It had been three days before the nightmares began again.After a tough morning of training, an afternoon of cleaning up the remnants of a large drug ring and a charity benefit appearance that night, Raven had been in the kitchen getting some tea to soothe her to sleep as Robin came in.

“Raven?You’re still up.I’ve been wanting to talk to you.” 

“Oh?”She asked setting down the tea kettle. 

“I’ve noticed you seem to be doing better.Those sleeping pills really did the trick huh?”

“You can’t even imagine.”

Robin stepped closer to her.“I’m glad you’re doing better Raven.”They shared a smile.“Hey mind if I have some of your tea?”

“Not at all.”She handed him the kettle.“I made a little too much anyhow.”

“Perfect.”He said pouring the remnants of the kettle into a mug.“Just for me.”

Raven smirked a little.“Don’t count on this being a regular thing.”She teased.

“Never.”Robin let out in mock hurt.

The two began their walk down the hallway both silently sipping their warm tea.“Goodnight Robin.”She said quietly disappearing into her room. 

“Night Rae.”He said as he walked further down the hallway.

Before she could stop herself, Raven spoke.“Robin?”

“Yeah Raven?”He took a sip from his mug.

“If you don’t want to answer, its okay, but I’m curious.When you were obsessing over Slade how did you manage to sleep?”

There was a tense few moments where the air seemed to have been sucked out of the room before he answered.His masked eyes met hers.“It was a combination of sleeping pills, exhaustion and…”Robin trailed off.“Hope.Hope that things would eventually work out okay.”

Raven remained silent remembering the conversation they had after she defeated Trigon when he called her the most hopeful person that he’d ever met.“Oh.I was just wondering.Goodnight.” 

“Night Raven.”

Raven went into her room and got ready for bed.So he did use sleeping pills much like herself.Why did he stop though?She guessed by that time Slade had him as his apprentice.He must’ve stopped taking them after that whole fiasco.She’d done some research on those particular pills.They were highly addictive.How had he coped with it?But hope?Hope?That’s all it took to keep him going.Raven didn’t have much hope when Trigon came to Earth, but because of Robin returning and finding her she gained it back.Raven wanted to cry when he didn’t move when she shook him.she thought her hope was gone, but remembering Robin’s words, brought her hope back.Now that was all said and done, hope was pretty much gone.Even though she defeated her father, now her own mind was rebelling against her.It wouldn’t let her forget the pain, the sounds, smells, suffering…nothing.She could forget nothing.Her own mind made her relive it. 

She tossed and turned as thoughts bounced around her head.She should’ve told him what was going on with her because he likely went through something similar with the pills.Raven laid looking at the ceiling for hours.The clock in her room chimed brining Raven back to the present.It was almost ten at night and she felt incredibly lousy.Robin would most likely be asleep now.In addition to not wanting to bother him, there was the fact that she didn’t want to burden him with her problems.Now that she’d had some time to reinvigorate herself she could handle this.Her fighting had been better and everyone seemed glad that things had been going back to normal.Would they be disappointed in her?Would they resent her for having to pull some extra weight during missions again?Would they be perturbed at having to tiptoe around her again?Would they this and would they that?Would they this?Would they that?Raven grabbed her head in frustration as she felt her headache intensify at that train of thought.Raven flopped down onto the bed as black swirls of magic escaped her chakra.She squeezed her eyes shut.

Robin!She was going to talk to Robin!The tower was dark, the night eerily silent as though someone had muted the world.Not even the traffic of the bridge or sirens of the city made a sound.The hallways were dark and winding as she made her way through the tower.She was just barely able to make out the shape of the halls.“Raven!” 

“Robin!”She yelled back swivelling her head around trying to make out the inky dark forms around her.“Robin where are you?”

“Raven!?”His voice seemed to be coming from every direction, but Raven was able to localize the noise to the common room.She flew through the automatic doors.The tower became eerily quiet again as the automatic doors swooshed closed behind her. 

“Robin?”Raven asked quietly.“Robin?”She swept her eyes around the kitchen.

“Raven!”His voice rang out loud and clear, except now it seemed to be coming from somewhere downstairs.What the heck was going on?!She didn’t take another moment to contemplate it as she dashed down the hallway following his calls.

“Raven!Raven!”The voice bounced off of the hallways coming from all directions right and left.“Raven!”Robin’s voice travelled echoing off of the walls.On and on she flew thought the hallways of the tower chasing the voice of her leader.Where could he be?She began shaking slightly at hearing his voice grow more frightened.“RAVEN!?RAVEN WHERE ARE YOU?!RAVEN!?”

“Robin!Robin?!Robin answer me!”She called frantically.Using her powers, she began to pick a frenzy of picking up furniture, overturning plants and flinging open doors.Finally she reached Robin’s room, the sound seemed to be echoing around his desk.“ROBIN!”Raven cried.

“RAVEN!”She was shaking.No…no she wasn’t shaking.Someone was shaking her!Raven sat up shivering lightly only to come face to face with the man she’d been frantically searching for only moments before. 

“Robin?What are you doing here?”She asked plastering on an apathetic face as she met his eyes. 

He raised a brow at her.“Raven you were screaming in your sleep.” 

Raven stared at him.Was she really?How come the others didn’t hear her?“Sorry I woke you Robin.”She stated simply.

“Raven are you okay?”He asked gently.Robin reached out a hand to her.It was consumed in blackness as Robin himself began to be overtaken by shadows.“RAVEN!”His voice was low and smothered by the shadows engulfing him. 

“Robin!”She cried out as she was flung upwards.

Raven sat up again.Her body was sticky and the wet sheets clung to her clammy skin.She peered around her room as a tiny bit of sunlight crept in.Objects were strewn about everywhere, but there was nobody around.Just another nightmare.Raven shook her head and pulled the sheets off of her bed.Cold sweat still beaded on her forehead and trickled down her sides.She felt warm and unsteady on her feet as she carried her sheets to the hamper.Raven sighed irritably, it looks like things were unfortunately back to normal again.


	9. Chapter 9

Jump City was in the midst of a huge snowstorm. There had already been about eight inches in the last few hours and it continued to come down in torrents. The temperature outside had dropped to nearly twenty below zero. The tower’s heat had been turned onto high, and its residents had taken to hot soups, beverages and the like. Most had taken the new decrease in crime to curl up in a blanket and go to bed early. 

All except one that is. 

Raven was currently in her room contemplating her current predicament. With the temperature outside, she was worried about teleporting again. She may be half-demon, but that was not enough to protect her from the cold. Frostbite was a real and definite possibility should she find herself outside again. Raven hated being in the infirmary so she definitely didn’t want to get frostbite. Plus, her lack of sleep was affecting her powers and healing abilities again. She’d be out of commission for awhile if she wound up outside and got injured. The chill in the air of the tower was palpable. It probably had something to do with all the windows; the tower wasn’t really build to hold in the heat. The evening seemed to drag on endlessly; Raven was tired, but also terrified of going to sleep. She was also annoyed, even after searching through all of her books, there was nothing about how to stop her teleportation. If she could just get to sleep without the nightmares again then she’d be okay…hopefully. She thought about digging into the basement of the tower to find if there was a spare all-weather sleeping bag just to be safe, but first her initial plan.

She pulled on her strapless one piece black swimsuit and grabbed one of her many purple towels stacked neatly in the bathroom. Admittedly, she wasn’t one to resort to this. It was completely out of character for her. When the hot tub was first installed in the tower’s gym, she was indifferent. Beast Boy was thrilled. Starfire was excited to try something she’d never experienced. Robin was thought it could be useful to soothe sore muscles. Cyborg was really excited for it too oddly enough…did he even use it? Raven shook her head as she quietly floated down the hallway. It was a good thing everyone was asleep. Raven knew that if certain Titans, namely Beast Boy and Starfire, would make a big deal about her wearing a swimsuit. She could vaguely make out the sounds of snoring and gentle breathing from her teammates’ rooms. The tub was located right off the tower’s main gym and near the window which would provide her with plenty of light. The moonlight streaming in from the windows cast silver light that danced on the surface of the water and made beams reflect on the walls of the darkened gym. The steam coming off from the tub warmed the area around it and despite the cold glass of the window being nearby there was a cocoon of warmth that surrounded her. Even if it didn’t relax her. it’d warm her up at least. Raven dropped her towel on the floor and slowly walked into the hot tub. She quickly pulled out a silver hair stick and used it to put her hair up into a bun. She sighed in contentment as she sunk into the hot water. This didn’t seem like such a bad idea. 

Raven began to breathe deeply and mentally chant. This was so relaxing…she’d really been missing out on not using this thing sooner. She made a mental note to make this a regular thing. Late in the evening after everyone else was asleep of course. It unknit the tension in her muscles and best of all, she felt a somnolence descend on her. Raven sighed and settled in closer to the jets of warm water massaging her. She closed her eyes. Just as she did so, however, there was a change in the lighting. She blinked open one eye and surveyed her surroundings. Red eyes were peering at her from inside the tub. Two pairs of red eyes to be exact. Trigon! 

Panicking now, Raven snapped her eyes open as the water turned pitch black and began bubbling violently. Her skin began to burn. Raven flew up out of the tub, hovering just above it. Black tendrils rose from the inky water and grabbed for her feet. Raven hovered about the hot tub as the eyes burned into hers. She darted around the air avoiding the tendrils that tried to grab her. Her hands glowed with magic and she took several shots at the tendrils. As Raven flew around she managed to shoot a few bolts of blackness right where the eyes were, but it seemed to have no effect. She flew closer and kept blasting away. Raven missed the tendril behind her wrap around her waist. She screamed as it dragged her into the blackness of where the eyes glowed blood red. She struggled as the pressure against her grew and water enter her mouth. It was hot and seared her tongue and throat. Raven tried to avoid gasping for breath in her panic. Her world was consumed in bubbling blackness and her skin burned as if touched by hot irons. She opened her mouth to scream out for help only for more water to enter them. She tried to breathe in and more water choked her. So this was it…

A rush of cold air slammed into Raven as she felt herself pulled out of the hot tub. Her wrists were in a tight grip; a garbled voice was making sounds. There was a hard whack against her back. She coughed out some water and took several deep breaths. “Raven are you okay?” Robin asked kneeling beside her. “I could hear you screaming all the way to my room.” The panic dying down, Raven lost it and the burning in her body and eyes became too much. A few dry sobs caught in her throat and she collapsed into Robin not caring that she was getting him soaking wet. Raven took in several deep breaths gripping tightly onto him. Without knowing what to do or for that matter what was going on, Robin simply held onto her, gripping her waist tightly. “Its okay Raven. I’ve got you. You’re safe now.” He whispered. Safe…Raven sniffled, looked up at him just as her vision went black and she began slipping from his arms.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~0o0o0o0o0o0ooo0o0000o0o00~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Raven awoke in the infirmary. It was dark inside and only a small light in the hall illuminated the shadowy room. Robin walked in and looked at her. “Raven what happened?” She made to get up, but found she was still in her wet bathing suit in the cold infirmary. She pulled the blankets back up onto her. 

“How’s our girl?” Cyborg asked walking in with a paper cup and handing it to her. Raven was relieved to see that it contained some hot herbal tea. 

“I’m fine.” Raven responded, but she knew that she wasn’t going to get off the hook that easily. She took a sip of her tea and saw Cyborg’s eyes had a sickening yellow glow for a moment. She blinked. Raven really needed sleep if she was hallucinating. His human eye flashed with the yellow glow. Raven dropped her cup in surprise splashing tea all over the infirmary floor. Her hands glowed black. 

“Raven!” Cyborg shouted. “Raven! Its me!” He put his hands up. 

She shook her head a took a deep breath.

Both boys were looking at her confusedly. “Raven what was that about?” Robin asked placing a hand onto her arm, as Cyborg began cleaning up the tea she’d spilled.

Raven looked back and fourth between the two. What was that? She didn’t even know herself. “I…I thought I saw something.” 

“There’s nobody down here but us Rae. Tower’s locked up tight and nobody’s been committing any crime. With this freezing weather, I can’t say I blame them.” Cyborg assured her.

She tucked her head down. “Yes, that makes sense.” Raven admitted. “Guess I’m just a little rattled, but I’ll be alright. Thank you guys for your help, but I’ll be okay.” Robin and Cyborg shared a look. “Really, I’ll be fine. I want to change out of this wet bathing suit.” So saying Raven got up and left the infirmary without giving them a chance to interject. She practically ran to her room and locked the door behind her. At least that was all over…for the moment anyway. After peeling off her wet bathing suit and putting on come comfy pants and a sweater Raven headed for the kitchen. She needed tea now more than ever and the caffeine would give her some much needed energy. As she made her way to the kitchen, she bumped headlong into the alien princess. Starfire immediately began apologizing.

“I am so sorry, friend Raven. The fault was with me.” She said. 

Raven was about to reply when the same yellow glow flashed in Starfire’s eyes. No! No! It couldn’t be! Raven flew off from Starfire and burst into the kitchen. Good! There was nobody-

“Hey Rae! Want some tofu pancakes.” Beast Boy’s eyes were glowing too!

“No!” Raven screamed and took off down the hallway. All of them! All corrupted by Trigon! It was only a matter of time before they began sporting those double red slanted eyes. What could’ve happened? They probably all got corrupted by Trigon’s evil influence while she was unconscious. Maybe he escaped his inter dimensional prison. A knock came at her door. What could she do? She could use her powers to remove Trigon’s evil from them. All the Titans stood outside her door. 

“Raven we’re worried about you.” Robin said. His eyes flashed yellow then red.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOO!” She wailed. Her body burned and twisted painfully as a cold blast of air hit her. 

Raven sat up in her bed with hot and cold spots all over her body. She shook lightly. Her heart was racing and her mind buzzed with panic. What had just happened? Raven jumped at the sight of glowing red eyes in her mirror. Darkness enveloped her hand, but upon turning her head, she noticed it was nothing more than the red numbers on her clock in the glass’s reflection. Her jaw tightened. It was just her nerves. Yes, just her nerves and nothing more.

Just then, a knock came at her door.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry everybody! I don't know what happened with the chapter numbers screwed up and reposting other chapters and missing chapters and GAH!!!! Please say you'll stick with me as I try and learn the mechanics of this website! Anyways, its fixed now (hopefully) so please enjoy! Also check out my other multi-chapter story "Just Be" (https://archiveofourown.org/works/18051113) 
> 
> It won't be as long as this one, at least at the moment, so less for me to screw up :P
> 
> On with the story!

The knock grew louder and more forceful.Every loud bang rattled her eardrums and made her jump slightly, nerves still overtaxed.

“Yo Rae, I brought you some breakfast.”A pause.“Okay, I won’t bother you.I’ll just leave the tray out here…ummm.Glad to see you’re using the hot tub.Might help you sleep.”Cyborg added.

Raven jumped at the clanging metallic sound of his heavy footsteps as they faded down the hallway.Was it all a dream?Or did it actually happen?Raven swept her eyes across the room slowly looking for some kind of clue as to what was happening.Was she dreaming right now?The dreams and especially the nightmares felt so real…she couldn’t wake up even when she was able to consciously discern that it was in fact a dream.What was happening?Was there anything that was out of place or odd?Was something different somehow?

Things certainly looked normal, Cyborg brought her breakfast.So far so good.Raven’s eyes drifted to her mirror.Did she dare…?Moving slowly, Raven cautiously took small measured steps toward the glass.Raven wobbled slight as she approached it.No…no she couldn’t do it.It was far too terrifying.Going to her closet, Raven removed a fluffy gray blanket and tossed it over the mirror making sure to completely cover the glass.She plucked a book off of her shelf and collapsed into her bed.Raven ignored the food outside the door; she had no appetite. 

Raven awoke in a room that was sparely lit and contained several examination tables.The infirmary again?Raven gritted her teeth.However in surveying the place more closely, it was more like a church.A church with several tables lining the walls.The floors were elegant white marble but extremely old.Tall columns loomed like giant sentinels over her.White candles dripped onto heaping mountains of wax indicating that this place was old.But what really scared her were the large tables draped with white linen.Each one had a red sheet covering something huge.She began intently gazing at them wondering what could possibly be underneath that was so giant. 

“Raven, so good to see you again.”

That voice…

Slade!

Sure enough there stood the masked man, now absent the blood red mark of Scath that had emblazoned his forehead.He was real and he was here!Whether in her nightmares or if it was in real life…Raven wasn’t sure anymore, but she knew one thing.She HAD to fight.

“Back off Slade or I’ll send you right back to whatever hell pit you crawled out of!”Her voice took on a slightly growl-like demonic undertone.

“Raven, you don’t need to send me back to hell.”He stated calmly making his way over to her with his hands clasped behind his back in that off-putting slightly cocky manner that irritated her to no end. 

“I will!”

“Don’t you see?You’re already in hell!”With that he used his arm to hit an area near her neck that sent her collapsing to the floor.“Such a weakling you’ve become.”Slade said calmly.“I’m very disappointed in you Raven.Very.”

Grapsing her shoulder, Raven shakily got to her feet.“You should be the one who’s disappointed Slade, if this is hell, then you’re on my turf.”So saying Raven swung her hands and picked up Slade with her magic.She sent him careening into a candelabra impaling him on the metal spikes holding the candles in place.

Raven took the momentary stoppage of battle and pulled up her hood.Slade extricated himself from the candelabra and made his way over to her again.“Really now Raven is that all you’ve got?”

“Azarath Metrion Zinthos!”Raven sent a flurry of candelabras at him sharp metal points poised to do maximum damage.Slade ducked, dodged and darted out of the way of every single one.Raven beginning to grow more angry, sent the chandelier crashing down on top of him.That hit its mark.The orange and black clad man groaned as he was struck by the heavy metal object.Raven watched horrified to see him come out from under it.Moving her magic, Raven picked up the sheets and wound them around Slade.He choked as she lost her cool and let the fabric coil around his neck.She watched as he went wide eyed.Finally at releasing her magic.Raven finally spotted what was under the sheets.The disgusting, blubbery, waxy masses were those of her friends.Bloated, disfigured and hideous forms consumed her vision.She slowly backed up as their bloodshot pained eyes seemed to follow her all around the room. 

CLANG!

What was it?What happened?Raven swiveled her head furiously to find she’d backed into a piece of a broken column and it had inured her shoulder.Why was this happening?What caused this?Was it even real?

Slade had gotten up and extended his hand out towards her.A force slammed into Raven causing her head to snap back violently.

A pain soared through her shoulder.It throbbed uncomfortably.Her jaw was tight and even her teeth ached.Raven was leaning up against something sharp.Blinking several times to adjust her eyes to the darkness, she looked up and saw a glass case above her.Eyeless faces and masks gave off a creepy vibe.Slade’s mask lay in a corner, still just as menacing as before when there was that one eye glaring out from it.An eye that looked on the world with equal parts contempt and visionary.Contempt for the world and everybody in it and visionary…seeing all the chaos, destruction and death that could, as he saw it, right the world and mankind.She shuddered lightly, he was a deranged madman and never really had any particular reason for what he did.She had concluded that he was trying to make someone or something pay for something. 

Raven tore her eyes away from the mask and peered around again.Where was she?The basement again?No, not the basement…the evidence room.A quick sweep of the area confirmed her suspicions.There were various glass cases with weapons, detonators and personal items that the Titans had confiscated from villains.The evidence room was enshrouded in that same blackness the night when she and the rest of the Titans had come in chasing the monsters that her powers manifested.She shook and swept her eyes about the room.Of all the things to think about…

Voice floated towards her down the corridor.Uh-oh was someone coming to log something in?Raven didn’t take the time to consider it again as she put a hand on her aching shoulder and teleported to her room.It was already daylight and based on the brightness, it was likely sometime in the afternoon.Another knock same at the door, jarring her senses.Raven bit her lip to keep from crying out.

“Raven, I don’t know what’s been going on with you lately, but I just wanted to remind you that you’re not alone.We’re here for you…I’m here for you.”

Beast Boy paused a moment outside the door.His ears perked up at listening for the slightest movement inside.Nothing.Nothing but a death like silence had come from that room for the past few days.Although Beast Boy had seen Raven lose it a few days ago, he knew better than to go poking around where he wasn’t welcome.As those few moments passed, an eerie silence settled around him.

With a sigh Beast Boy shuffled back towards the common room where the rest of the Titans were animatedly eating and drinking.Beast Boy sat down and poked at his fries.All of a sudden his appetite had significantly diminished.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~0o0o0o0o0o0ooo0o0000o0o00~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Robin I need to talk to you.”Beast Boy said a hard edge to his voice.Cyborg and Starfire, perhaps sensing something that they were not privy to, made there way out and not a second after the doors swooshed closed Beast Boy spoke.“Look I know that you’ve had a hard time since breaking up with Star.”

Robin ground his teeth.“How did you- ?”

“Its no mystery.You guys have been avoiding each other for weeks.”Beast Boy gestured towards the door.“Look Rob, I get that you need time to mourn but c’mon man!You’ve been mourning this relationship longer than it has been going on!”He took a breath to calm down his rising voice.“You told Raven she was the most hopeful person in the world, but lately, she’s been so down.I tried to talk to her and she won’t even listen to me.You have to do something!”His voice rose angrily again.

“Listen Beast Boy-"

“No Robin, I care about Raven and I know you do too!You were her source of hope!You went to hell and back for her with your sworn enemy when Trigon took over the world!You’ve been ignoring her now!I don’t know what you’ve been doing, but she needs you!”Robin didn’t meet his eyes.“Cyborg, Starfire and me haven’t gotten a peep out of her.You’re her closest friend.You’re the only one who hasn’t tried to talk to her!” 

Robin opened his mouth to retort before closing it again and lowering his gaze.“I’ll go talk to her.”He stated determinedly striding past Beast Boy and into the hall.

Robin found that each step he took towards Raven’s room made his guilt raise higher and higher until he was practically drowning in it.He’d noticed Raven’s erratic behavior, and had been relatively ignorant of it.Its not like he meant to, there were things going on with him too.Beast Boy was right however, even if she wouldn’t talk to anybody else, it was likely she’d talk to him.After all, that had been the case every other time. 

So why wasn’t she answering?

Robin knocked a third time.“Raven, its me.I wanted to make sure that you were okay.”Silence.He sighed.“Listen I know that I haven’t been the best friend lately, but Im going to do whatever it takes to help you.”Silence.“Raven please open up.”More silence.“I’m coming in.”Robin said punching in the override code.Raven was lying in bed curled up in the fetal position and shaking lightly.Her teeth were clenched and tears were oozing out of the corner of her eyes.There was a darkened spot on her pillow indicating that she’d been going on for some time.“Raven?”He asked quietly making his way over to her.“Raven?”He tried again.She was clearly asleep, but looked to be in the grips of something terrible.

Robin went up to her and gently shook her shoulder, then seeing her black magic flare out of her body, quickly jumped away from her.He sighed.Reaching cautiously, Robin ever so slowly slipped his hand into her own.She seemed to grip onto it so he whispered to her.“Raven?Raven.Raven please come back to me.Its not real Raven, whatever you’re seeing is not real.”He squeezed her hand a little harder this time.There was a noise from her.“Raven, its me Robin.Listen to me, I’m sorry that I haven’t been the best friend I could’ve lately.I really care about you Raven.I think I might-“

A scraping noise made him turn his head away from her.Her bookcase was encased in her black aura and moving.Various other objects all around the room were already floating around.Robin held her hand tighter.“Raven please.I know you.I know you’re going to be okay.Its okay.Its all going to be okay.Raven I’m here, come back to me Raven.Come back.”Robin whispered in her ear.Some of the magic in the room faded.The chill in the air had decreased slightly.Raven’s eyes twitched and her body began to relax.Robin smiled and got comfy on the edge of her bed as Raven slept.


	11. Chapter 11

Raven awoke to a hand in hers, but she wasn’t afraid. Next to her was Robin with his head tucked down; he was snoring lightly. By the looks of things he’d been there for quite some time. What was he doing here? Raven reached over, but decided not to wake him…why was he here? Her head began to ache lightly. She had some vague memories of Robin’s voice in her head last night. Had she teleported him in here? Well, whatever the case, it wouldn’t do for him to stay. Raven opened up a portal and gently levitated Robin back into his bed. She then used her powers to cover him up. Raven settled back down into her bed, but found that she wasn’t particularly tired. That was unusual. Deciding to seize upon this rare moment of wakefulness, she headed up to the roof to meditate. 

The sky was somewhat gray and chilly early in the morning, but as Raven began to float, she found that sun kissed warmth onto her skin chasing away the icy air. She was barely ten minutes in when Robin’s voice ran through her ears. “Morning Raven.”

“Morning Robin.” Raven responded lowering herself to the ground.

“Brought you some coffee.” He said handing her a cup. She accepted it without hesitation and took a sip. 

“Thanks. This tastes different though.”

“Its got extra cream and foamed milk. Cyborg just set up a cappuccino machine.”

Several moments of silence passed, but Raven didn’t want to address the elephant in the room. Why was Robin in her room last night? Even though Robin was her best friend, she still felt like she couldn’t just straight up ask ‘hey why were you in my room yesterday?’ without making it weird. Raven sipped her coffee as she contemplated what to do, but luckily Robin spoke. “Listen, I know I haven’t been the best friend lately, but I want you to know that I’m here for you. I stopped by your room last night and you must’ve been having a nightmare because you were crying and shaking and your powers were moving things around your room.”

Raven felt her heart sink. So he was there all night? She should’ve been bothered by that, but having Robin there was better than any of the other Titans. Plus, she couldn’t remember the last time she’d slept so well without the use of pills. She was having a nightmare, but then there was just nothing. No dreams or anything like that, just nothing. Nothing but rest. Raven couldn’t remember the last time she had dreams….only nightmares. Those were always very vivid. “Yes I was having a nightmare.” She paused. “And don’t worry about it to much, I know about you and Starfire. You need time to yourself. You’ve got better things to do than deal with my trivial night terrors.”

“Even if that’s the case, its no excuse. You’re my friend Raven and friends take care of each other. We’ve helped each other out so much already; I can help you again.” Raven looked at him. Should she tell him what was going on with her? A chilly gust of wind swept up making their capes flutter out behind them. “C’mon its getting cold.”

Raven silently entered through the door that Robin held open for her, stomach twisting every step of the way. She couldn’t help but get angry at herself for everything that had been happening lately. Whenever she thought of that stupid, idiotic, foolish little girl who thought that things were finally going to be okay with her father gone and that life was FINALLY going to get better…she wished she could kill her. Raven wished that she could go back in time and mess that little girl up. She’d punch in her face, slash her arms and bruise her legs. She’d whack her in the back of the head and stab her through the spine. She’d make sure that ridiculous hopeful smile she wore while wearing the snow white uniform would be smeared off of her face. What did she think was going to happen? Did she think that things were going to be okay? It wasn’t okay and what’s worse is that things may never be okay again. He heart sunk to her feet at that. Raven just wished she’d never felt hope before, then she could just accept that things were going to be horrible for most of her life. Maybe she wouldn’t be feeling so lousy because she would’ve never known what it was like to be okay. That same feeling of envy gnawed at her veins over those who were okay. Not good, not even great, just okay. That’s all Raven wanted, just to be okay. Nothing more…but she had felt hope, and now it was too late. And now one of the contributors to her past hope was treading just a few steps ahead of her. Robin and Raven wandered into the living room where the rest of the Titans were gathered around making waffles. “We’ll talk later.” He whispered to her before calling greetings to the rest of the team. Raven wandered onto a stool and helped herself to a waffle. Cyborg was baffled for a moment before shooting her a smile. Beast Boy gave her a toothy grin. 

Starfire immediately came floating over her. “Raven! I have been patiently waiting to seek you out! May we do the painting of the toenails together later today?”

“Sure Starfire.” Ravens responded as she continued to eat her waffles. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~0o0o0o0o0o0ooo0o0000o0o00~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Raven had been meditating in her room when the soft chime let her know it was time to head over to Starfire’s room. She mentally prepared herself for the tears and emotions that were sure to come pouring out. Even though she had every reason not to be anxious about this, having Robin in her room last night didn’t exactly make things any easier. She had accidentally picked up on the breakup and, thought it seemed amicable, Raven knew better than most how people’s emotions could be brewing in their heads contradictory to their exterior. Raven often wore the mask of indifference to help keep her own emotions in check. Aside form her, Robin was really the only other Titans to do so, except his mask was literally just that- a mask. She raised a fist to Starfire’s door and knocked twice.

“Oh Raven, please come in.” Starfire said. She sounded happy and from what Raven picked up on, it was sincere. Interesting…

“Starfire.” She acknowledged as she produced an orange soda for the alien girl. 

“My favorite! Raven how did you manage to procure this beverage when Beast Boy does the chugging and the burping contests with Cyborg?” She asked as she herself chugged it down and let out a massive belch. It was so strong it blew Raven’s hair back. “I have a selection of the polishes for the nails for us. This one matches your cape! May I?” Raven nodded and kicked off her boots as Starfire began painting her toes.  
She remained quiet, it wouldn’t be long before Starfire told her what was going on; the alien princess was never one for concealing her thoughts. And true to form, just a few moments later she delivered. “Raven, you have been inside of Robin’s mind. He will always be a friend of mine. Even though I am no longer his girlfriend, does he still think of me as his one of his friends which are close?”

Raven’s mind flashed back to when she wound up in the infirmary after mutilating Fang. Robin had told her that she was his best friend. Now looking back, she could see the friction in Robin and Starfire’s relationship. The cracks had begun to show just a few weeks after they’d returned from Tokyo. Raven had gone back home unchanged (well aside from periodically receiving massive amounts of chewing gum and fan mail, that was certainly new). Truthfully, she hadn’t paid much attention to Robin and Starfire’s relationship, but looking back now it seemed so obvious. Well, obvious to everyone but Starfire apparently based on how the alien girl was looking at Raven with those large, wide green eyes as if she held all the answers to his deepest secrets. Even though yes, she had picked up on secrets, as an empath Raven’s strength was feelings.

“Of course he does Starfire. How could you ever think that he couldn’t? Robin really cares about you and I’m sure there will always be a special place in his heart just for you.”

Starfire lit up at that, but appeared confused again. “But why was Robin in your room in the nighttime hours?”

Uh-oh, perhaps Raven had made a bad decision in coming here. Though, Starfire just appeared genuinely confused, not hurt or angry. “I was having a nightmare and apparently he heard me screaming in my sleep. He tried to settle me down because my powers were moving things. I guess he must’ve fallen asleep.”

“So Robin has not been there lately to do what Beast Boy calls ‘the bumping of the uglies?’”

Raven’s eyes nearly popped out of her skull at that. “No Starfire! Absolutely not! Besides I wouldn’t let him cheat on you!”

“The cheating?” Starfire looked up and paused removing her other boot. “Has Robin done the cheating on me?”

Raven thought a moment and then gave her a pointed look. “Absolutely not. Starfire do you even know what ‘bumping uglies’ means?”

Starfire shook her head. Making a mental note to keep Starfire away from Beast Boy, Raven leaned over and whispered it into the girl’s ear.

“Eeep!” She squeaked. “I am glad that nobody had done that with Robin while he was with me.” Starfire said as Raven shook up the bottle of pastel pink nail polish and began applying it. “Although now that we are not in the relationship anymore, you could conceivably bump-“

“No Starfire!” Raven hastily interjected. “Let’s just not even go there.”

“I would not do the minding.”

“Okay I get it!” Raven said putting up her hands. Why did she get herself into these situations? She let out a sigh and decided to reframe the conversation. “Are you doing okay since the breakup?”

She nodded. “I am okay Raven, it did hurt at first, but I realize that we were not the compatible. It is what’s best for the both of us.” Starfire grinned as she wiggled her new pink toes. “Glitter please!” She said handing Raven some holographic glitter polish. “Besides, I am going to be out on a plum soon!”

“Plum?” Raven raised a brow.

“The raisin?”

“You mean a date?” 

“Yes! Why do they name it after one of the various dried fruits?”

“Who knows? Who’s your date?”

“Aqualad.”

Raven grinned at the memory of her foolish little crush when she’d first met him. “Good for you Starfire. I’m glad you’re doing okay.” She said as she applied the chunky glitter polish.

Starfire’s flicked down. “I just hope that Robin can do the finding of someone else too.”

That stunned Raven momentarily. “You know him Starfire; he’ll be okay.” She said as Starfire wiggled her toes to dry them.

“Oh thank you Raven!” She said throwing her arms around the other girl. 

“Star-ACK-fire! Air!”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry everybody! I haven't gone anywhere and I don't plan on it! Life just sucks sometimes...ya know?

Raven sighed as she rolled over in bed. Turning her pillow over the cool side had long ago become useless. It had been weeks since she'd had a good sleep. She almost… _almost_  was so desperate as to call Robin, but what to say? " _Hey can you come sleep with me? No! Not like that! Just stay in my room and sleep next to me?"_  She shook her head. They may be best friends, but no she couldn't do that. With a heavy sigh Raven heaved herself out of bed and began searching her books for a sleeping spell.

It had taken her several hours in her sleep deprived state, but she managed to find one. Raven exhaled a soft breath as she finished muttering her spell. Hopefully it would work, but as she had never performed this particular spell before she wasn't entirely certain. Oh well, in a few more hours she could go to bed and with any luck, sleep.

In a bid to relax herself further, Raven walked down to the kitchen for some hot chocolate. She wondered in the back of her mind how long it would take for the spell to take effect. This spell as a relatively simple one with few ingredients and incantations. There was no use in trying some elaborate spell that took rare ingredients and lots of time only to come up empty. Raven figured that she could always increase the difficulty if the initial ones didn't work out.

Raven was so lost in thought as she walked that the sight in the living room made her nearly fall over in shock.

Beast Boy and Cyborg were asleep at the game station. Beast Boy was drooling slightly and Cyborg was snoring pretty loudly. Raven knew that Beast Boy was a heavy sleeper, but she figured that Cyborg's machine gun like snorts would've woken even him. Her stomach sank. They could just be asleep and nothing more, but Raven had the nagging feeling that something was wrong.

Forgetting all about her hot chocolate, Raven dashed down the hall to Robin's room. Surely someone as active, vital and invested in protecting the city as him wouldn't be asleep…

Right?

She knocked on his door out of habit of politeness. That same fearful feeling began to creep in. Raven only waited a few minutes more before punching in the override code and running in. "Robin!" She called spotting his form slumped over on he desk with papers and a few birdarangs scattered around him. "Robin!" She shouted and shook his shoulders. A painful pang went through her, tensing her muscles. Seeing her friends mutilated so often in her dreams made her uneasy as she saw them in a deep sleep and barely breathing. "ROBIN!" She called again shaking him more forcefully. Nothing…at least he was still breathing. Raven made her way to Starfire's room as fast as her feet would carry her. The door was open and Starfire was sleeping next to a lightly snoring Silkie, both of them had their heads in Silkie's food bowl.

A stream of curses in various languages escaped her lips and black energy began to consume the room. Raven let out a few more curses and took in several deep breaths to calm herself down. Her head ached behind her eyes at pulling the magic back. She rubbed the bridge of her nose and went back to her room. She would do some sort of spell and make everybody else in the tower sleep, while she was wide awake.

Raven whispered a prayer to Azar that nobody would cause trouble until she could figure out how to reverse the effects. Besides, she could always call in Titans East to help her out. Relief evaporated however as logic chimed in, they'd start asking questions and that's something that didn't need to happen. Raven made her way back to her room and flipped through the book. The spell was short and didn't include much explanation. Because why would it? Her fingertips crackled with angry energy. Okay, there had to be something that she could do, there had to be a way to reverse the spell. There was always a way to reverse spells. Raven forfeited not using her magic sparingly and used her powers to pull multiple volumes from the shelves and began rifling through them using her powers to turn the pages and levitate them in a circle around her. Thoughts of the days before the end of the world flashed into her mind as she recalled doing the same sort of book research looking for the symbol on Slade's mask.

There was not much help in the books, much to Raven's chagrin. Her eyes would anxiously flick to the monitor and alarm on her wall almost daring it to blink. She did it with such frequency that if anyone had been around they might've come to the conclusion that Raven was preventing villain activity in the city solely by willing the alarm into silence. She paced the room for several minutes trying to come up with her next move.

Making her way back to Robin's room, she mentally tried to justify what she was about to do. Raven decided to go into Robin's mind again and see what was going on. Perhaps if she knew what he was seeing, she could determine what was going on and therefore pick an appropriate spell to counteract it. Raven was apprehensive at some level; she had taken great pains to hide the overwhelming emotions that she was getting in her nightmares from Robin. It wasn't fair to him to face all that torment too. Raven was a lot of things, but one thing she wasn't was cruel. Sure she could play the occasional dark prank or scare people in retaliation for minor things, but subjecting someone to horrific nightmares? Raven couldn't let herself do that. Her heartbeat echoed in her ears as she approached Robin's room. Extra concentration was required to move his sleeping form onto the bed. She had already been in Robin's mind before so why should this be any different?

Raven gently took Robin's head in her hands and chanted her mantra. Inside Robin's mind there was blackness, an empty blackness and nothing else. She maintained her presence for several minutes waiting for something to happen, but nothing did. Raven was more confused as she opened her eyes and was met with the walls of Robin's room. The darkness and emptiness without any stream of consciousness indicated that he was just in a deep sleep and nothing more. That was good, nothing was planted and no dreams were taking place…he was just in a deep sleep. That could be easily fixed, at least she thought it could. Maybe a deep sleep likely would wear off in eight or so hours…they might not even remember what happened. Raven smirked at little at that thought. Okay, maybe this wouldn't be so bad…

As a precaution, she moved all the other Titans to their respective beds and brought up a machine from the medical wing. She hooked the leads up to Robin and connected it wirelessly to her communicator. Now if there was a change in his vitals she would be notified. Now, Raven had to search out her books to see if her hunch about it just being a simple deep sleep was correct. It had been almost an hour and a half since she cast the original spell, so she also set her alarm for six more hours in case she fell asleep. Raven already felt an ache in her neck and shoulders from bending over to read. Additionally, moving her friends to their beds had made her tired. Grumbling, she made herself a cup of green tea in an attempt keep herself awake.

It was going to be a long night.

Raven's long night was made even more grueling by the constant need to check on Robin and her other friends. The spell apparently had an effect on the tower's equipment as the thermostat was changing on its own and after a time she couldn't even turn on the stove to heat up her tea kettle. This malfunctioning also meant that the medical equipment monitoring Robin's vital signs was also behaving wonky. Alarms had gone off and sent Raven flying at top speed into his room, only to do a manual check of his vitals (along with a few brief scans of his mind just to be safe) to find he was perfectly alright. These frantic checks also sent her rocketing through the hallways as fast as she could fly with any coordination down the tower's winding halls to make sure her other friends were okay. It was always a false alarm and Raven would slowly drag her feet back to her room, legs shaking from nerves and the exhaustion she already labored under. She hated the curse that immured her! Why did this have to happen?!

Deciding that perhaps flipping the breaker could alleviate the problem, Raven made her way down to the basement and turned off backup power and turned off the main power. She waited a full minute before switching it and the backup generator on. An agonizing moment passed as Raven held her breath to ensure she could hear the machines turning on. She was aware that lack of sleep could cause auditory hallucinations; she wasn't sure what was in her mind and what was reality at this point. The whirring and clicking of the security system and heat coming on made her sigh in relief. She checked the time as she walked up the metal staircase to the first floor. Three more hours and everyone should theoretically be awake. Raven had found her answer to the spell at around four am in a caffeine induced haze. It was as she suspected, just a standard sleep and, as luck would have it, would wear off at around 9am. No lasting health effects or potential for consequences. Raven moved the medical equipment back to the trauma room. Her powers weren't an option for fear she'd break it which forced her to roll it manually and down the elevator. Raven also disconnected her communicator from the vitals monitor. She yawned and stretched her aching back. A small smile formed on her lips. If she played her cards right nobody would even remember this little incident…or so she hoped.

Raven plodded into her room, unclasping her cloak and letting it fall unceremoniously to the floor. It laid partially on the piles of books and scrolls that littered the room. She kicked off her boots and fell into bed with a bounce and curled up under the covers for a few hours of much needed sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS For those of you that asked "Our Last Dance" was indeed inspired by true events.


	13. Chapter 13

Raven had just managed to slip into slumber when the crime alarm had gone off.With her ears stinging from the obnoxiously loud noise it madeshe flew to the living room.She took a moment to survey the scene around her.Everything certainly seemed normal…Raven released a quiet breath of relief.The Titans were all awake and lively.Or as lively as they could be at 9am.Beast Boy was still a little foggy.Starfire was slowly waking up.Cyborg and Robin were of course fully alert.“Gizmo’s causing trouble again.”Cyborg sighed. 

“Yes!”Beast Boy shouted, coming to life immediately as he whipped out a notepad from his uniform and flipped though the pages.“I finally get to use this!”

Raven sent him a glance.“What’s that?”

“Its a list of carefully thought out and snappy comebacks!”He stated proudly.“Gizmo thinks he’s the best at insults but that ends today!”Beast Boy said karate chopping the air.

“Carefully thought out?How long did that take you?”Raven asked.

Beast Boy laughed nervously.“Hehe, I forgot I had it for awhile.”

“Right…”Raven said.She noticed Robin looking at her with a smile.Admittedly, Raven wasn’t bothered as much by Beast Boy’s antics because her curiosity was getting the better of her.What kind of comebacks could he possibly have come up with?

“Titans go!”Robin yelled as they headed towards the city.Raven elected to ride in the car with Cyborg. 

“Hey Rae!You sleep okay last night?”Before she could answer Cyborg continued.“Man I slept like a baby, whatever was in that pizza must’ve made me sleepy cause even the human side of me feels like a million bucks!”He said excitedly. 

Raven gritted her teeth a little at that.Admittedly she was a little jealous that everyone had managed to sleep from the spell that was intended to help her sleep.She considered trying to cast another one, but immediately put it out of her mind.That last spell backfired, but she’d gotten lucky that there were no after effects and no crime when it occurred.And with how she was feeling now, there was a chance she’d cast it wrong again and her luck would run out.Cyborg was still babbling about something as they pulled up to the hole in the wall that Gizmo had made joining the rest of the team. 

Gizmo had those obnoxious spider legs repaired, and from the looks of things, reinforced and armored.She flew out of the moonroof to join her friends in confronting him. 

“Hey Teeny Tootles hope you don’t mind while I clean these scrum buffers out of all their money!”He said as his tiny little robots vacuumed up all the cash. 

Beast Boy stepped forward.“Don’t worry guys I got this!”He glanced at his notepad.“Oh yeah?You and who’s army you dried out cheese doodle?”

The air was sucked out of the room for a moment as the bank patrons, the other Titans and Gizmo just stared at him.Gizmo recovered first though and pressed a button on his remote.The tiny circular robots’ lights switched from yellow to red and began waving their vacuums around in a whipping blade motion and they were sent flying towards the Titans. 

“You had to ask.”Raven said her eyes beginning to glow black.She stepped in front of the little menaces and held out her hands.“Azarath Metrion Zinthos!”The robots froze in mid-air and with a flick of her wrist, she tore them apart.The cold air was drifting in the bank and really Raven wanted nothing more than to go home and try to get a nap.Terrified patrons now began scattering since she destroyed the mini robots.Using her magic, Raven brought up the blades that the robots had been threatening them with and turned them onto Gizmo.The rest of the Titans were busily getting in their own hits.She tried to aim the blades as best she could and wait for an opening.Just as Beast Boy in gorilla form wrestled with him, Cyborg and Starfire teamed up to blast Gizmo.Robin tossed in a few birdarangs and as the pint size villain began tumbling Raven shot the blades at the pack in his back crashing his entire computer system.It broke apart and fizzled. 

“You’re finished tiny techie.”Cyborg said slapping some cuffs on him. 

“Yeah take that you foul mouthed marshmallow fungus!”Beast Boy yelled.

Everyone including Raven turned to face him and she swore she saw him turn red.Raven took advantage of the momentary silence and took off towards the tower.She wandered down the halls to her own bedroom.The tower had gotten cold again and more snow had coated the city. Raven figured that was good, nobody would likely cause anymore trouble today.She could cuddle up under some fluffy blankets in her comfy pjs and hopefully get some rest.She lit a few lavender scented candles and made herself some tea.Using her powers, she pulled the curtains closed and moved the duvet to tuck herself in. 

A sigh escaped her lips at that.Tucking herself in was one of the first things she learned how to do with her powers.Since she was being trained by the monks of Azarath and the goddess Azar, she hardly saw her mother throughout her childhood.The other children she’d seen on Azarath were tucked in by their parents and given a hug or kiss.They got to feel their parents’ loving touch and reassurance of protection before they drifted into dreamland.She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t jealous.She hadn’t felt that way in years, eventually resigning herself to the fact that she’d never feel safe as long as her father was out there.Raven sighed again.She was getting jealous of children!Children!At that thought, she became angry with herself all because nobody used to tuck her into bed when she was a child.A few tears slipped past her lashes.Raven never got any of that; in her childhood there was never any protection, never any security, no emotions to indulge in.

She’d only managed to get an hour’s worth of a nap in before waking up again.Her nose was stuffy and her throat felt dry from crying.The bed had been moved and the covers were lying in the middle of the room.Raven let out a huff and rubbed the bridge of her nose.She looked around.At least her powers hadn’t done anything more beyond that.And she hadn’t teleported.She’d been so tired when she got home that the thought of teleporting outside hadn’t even occurred to her so she only had on some medium weight pjs and not the heavy fleece ones she had been wearing to protect herself just in case she wound up outside again.She put her uniform back on and wandered down to the kitchen to grab some food.The other Titans were there, but didn’t seem to notice her entrance.“Hey Rae!My famous mac ’n’ cheese is on the stove.Help yourself.”Raven nodded at Cyborg and got herself a bowl.She walked over to the couch and sat on the steps near the hallway out of the circle of her friends, but still close enough to hear the conversations washing over her.

Sitting in the living room was steadily making her headache worse.Her neck even began to ache.Her friends were currently being extremely annoying.She was halfheartedly listening to their conversations mac ’n’ cheese long gone.Beast Boy and Cyborg were currently on their phones comparing cute girls to one another. _‘Ugh those idiots probably signed up for another dating app.’_ Raven rolled her eyes.Her head began to ache more at the stupidity of it all.She shifted her gaze to the left and spotted Robin and Starfire.They seemed to be on good terms again.It was starting to get unbearable.Raven quickly washed her dish in the sink and flew back to her room.Sometime for meditation was in order…


	14. Chapter 14

Turning the page of the old leather bound book, Raven sighed in contentment as she let herself get lost in the story.Ordinarily, Raven wasn’t one for fairy tales, especially ones with a happy ending.Really they just depressed her.After defeating her father, she found joy in reading them again, but ever since her nightmares began escalating, she found she could barely stomach them anymore.Today however, she was curled up with some delicious hot cocoa coffee drink that Robin made her as a bribe to get her out of her room and spending time with the others.Or by the others, she guessed it was specifically him.The other Titans were outside playing in the snow.Raven actually found herself enjoying reading “Sleeping Beauty.”Admittedly though she was jealous of her too.Robin sat next to her on the couch with his own drink.

There was silence between the two of them, but as always it was a comfortable silence.Neither one felt compelled to say anything, but both knowing that if one did, it would be just as normal.Raven’s took some deep breaths to calm herself; her heart had practically jumped out of her ribcage when he’d knocked on her door earlier that day…

_She’d opened the door to her leader’s face and she hastily smoothed the lines that showed her exhaustion.“Hey Raven.I’m making some mocha hot chocolate and I wondered if you wanted some.”_

_Mocha?Mocha meant coffee and coffee meant feeling less like a zombie.“Sure.”_

_“Alright.”He smiled.“It’ll be done in about twenty minutes.”_

_Raven knew that Robin wouldn’t bring it to her room, she’d have to go get it.Oh well…the crime alarm had been quiet last night and though she meditated quite a bit, Raven still felt on edge due to the emotional torrent swirling in her head.She still felt like her nerves were twisted tight and she couldn’t focus.That was exhausting in and of itself.Raven splashed some water on her face and slowly made her way down to the kitchen; just the thought of dealing with everything made her slightly nauseous and the exhaustion seem to settle down to her bones._

She smiled a little at Robin as she sipped her drink.“Its good.”Her smile was a little bigger though because it was just the two of them and nobody else.On the inside though her heart began racing as she knew that his motive was likely that he wanted to talk to her about her nightmares.Raven knew it was coming especially given the fact that she’d found him in her room the one night.

But why did it have to come so soon?

“Raven do you have nightmares?”He asked.Typical boy wonder, no beating around the bush…

No use in lying.What good would it do anyhow?She didn’t know why she contemplated lying to him, but she did.Raven put it down to her lack of sleep.Nothing rational could be conjured in her brain.“Yes.”

“So I’ve noticed.Nightmares of what?”

“I’m sorry if I’ve been waking you Robin.”

Robin put his hand on hers and gave it a gentle squeeze.“Raven don’t be sorry, but it has me concerned.”

She lowered her gaze, the liquid in her cup was suddenly very interesting for some reason.“I’m sorry” was all she could think to say.

Robin looked into her eyes.“Don’t be sorry.Tell me what your nightmares are about.I told you that we’d talk about it sometime and I can’t take seeing you like this anymore Raven.I can’t even feel our bond anymore.”

Her heart sank at that.“Look Robin, sometimes the mind has to feel safe before it can process things.My mind is just processing those things right now.Its a survival strategy that people implement so that they don’t totally lose it.When the end of the world came, I- I was scared.Terrified actually and I couldn’t even begin to think of all the things that were occurring.Its happening now is all.”

Robin seemed to take a moment to think about what she said.“I know what you mean Raven.When Star and I were dating, it was like I couldn’t even think of anything beyond that.I was blind to a lot of things.More than anything else, I think that I didn’t process anything because we never would’ve worked.I didn’t see a future with her, but couldn’t exactly pinpoint why.Now that everything is all said and done, and I’ve had some time away from her, I realized that I wasn’t in love with her.I was in love with the idea of what or who we could be.And when that didn’t live up to expectations, I admit I was angry.I didn’t realize it at the time and I’m just now figuring it out.”He sipped his drink.“Like you said, I’m just processing those things right now.”

The tide of voice rose from the hallway.Robin grunted a little at that.Raven handed him her now empty drink.Part of her was irritated at her friends for interrupting because she always liked spending time just her and Robin.He never really annoyed her and he was her preferred companion out of the entire team.As it was right now though, she was happy that they came in as she didn’t like where the conversation was going.Her heart was heavy and she felt awful.Wasn’t talking to someone supposed to make you feel better?Talking with Robin usually did.In fact Raven was having a hard time remembering a time when talking to Robin didn’t make her feel better.Usually their conversations made her feel so much better and she walked away with a smile on her face.But right now, smiling was the last thing that Raven wanted to do.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it!

Raven opened her eyes to see darkness.Only darkness.Wherever she was there was carpet, not particularly soft, but it was certainly better than the cold cement or wet jagged rocks.Her back ached a little as she pushed herself up.

“Raven?”

A soft glow from a pink salt lamp cast gentle illumination around the room, but based on the voice Raven was already well aware of who it was.

Raven didn’t say anything, except to stiffly stand on her feet.Robin patted the spot next to him on the bed and Raven gave him a look that was a cross between incredulousness and confusion.“C’mon we can talk, but we might as well be comfortable.Its okay if you happen to fall asleep.I know you haven’t been sleeping well lately.”Robin sat down and leaned against the headboard.“C’mon.”He patted the spot next to him again before fluffing the pillow.

Slowly, hesitantly, and vaguely wondering if she were still asleep based on Robin’s behavior, Raven swished her cape aside and sat beside Robin.Her eyelids drooped at feeling the softness of his bed beneath her.Ever so slightly she leaned back and began to relax. 

“Go ahead get comfy.”Robin said sliding down under the covers and pulling it up for Raven.She acquiesced, but her mind was swirling with questions.Why was he doing this?Why wasn’t he interrogating her about her sudden appearance in his room?Why did he seem so calm about letting her occupy his bed?Why did he invite her to lay down in the first place?And most importantly…

Was she still asleep?

Robin cleared his throat a little before rolling over to face her.“I’ll admit Raven if I had found anybody else asleep on my floor I’d be really creeped out.”He said with a smile attempting a joke.“It’d just be too weird and creepy.”

Raven sighed.“Y’know Beast Boy thought I was creepy, but I was just different, always have been, always will be.”

“Being different isn’t always a bad thing Raven.”Robin chimed in.

She nodded.“I remember before the whole Malchior fiasco, I wished that there was someone around here that understood me, someone I could talk to.At the time, I didn’t realize that was you.You understand me and you are the person I can talk to even when I think I can’t talk to anyone else.”Raven admitted.For some reason the intimate environment, the warmth of the air, the subdued glow of the salt lamp, having her best friend nearby not to mention her sleep deprived lack of a filter made the words come tumbling out before she could process them.“I’d basically given up hope at the idea of having someone like that.” Raven whispered.“Though, the times that I gave up are the times that you found the greatest hope.You had hope even when I brought Trigon to Earth.”

“I found that hope in you Raven.You’re my biggest hope.”Robin said smiling a bright smile as he laid down more and inched closer to her.Robin must’ve picked up on her discomfort, because after several moments he spoke again.“You know Raven, I had a nightmare a few nights ago.”Robin said looking down at her, propping his elbow and resting his head on his hand.

“Really?”Raven asked with some trepidation in her voice, trying to relax her head into the pillow. 

He nodded.“It was about you.I could hear you calling my name over and over again.I was running all over the tower looking for you, but I could only ever hear your voice.You sounded like you were in pain or distressed.I- I was really worried about you Raven, you’ve scared me these past months.Its hard- its hard for…me to watch you suffer like that.I care about about you a lot.”

Raven remained silent for a few moments looking into those masked eyes.“I care about you a lot too Robin.”

A few moments of silence passed, but not as awkwardly as Raven would’ve thought them to be.There was something comforting and something felt oddly…right laying next to Robin and talking openly.She knew that there were things that she should’ve said and explained, but instead kept quiet, not knowing quite how to phrase it or knowing exactly how to explain the feelings coursing through her.Robin had taken off his mask and dazzling blue eyes met her amethyst ones.Her mouth fell open slightly.From being in his mind, she knew who he was and what he looked like behind the mask, but never did she picture his eyes being as beautiful as they appeared. now.Cerulean blue with a ring of iciness around the edges close to the limbal ring and flecked with dark ocean hues.Robin gave her a small smile as he continued.“I miss our bond.”He said quietly.

Raven gulped lightly before find her voice.“Me too.It was never gone.”She admitted in a whisper.

He furrowed a brow.“What do you mean?”

A sigh escaped Raven.His comforting gaze looked at her with no judgement or pity.Robin respected her, had done nothing but since the moment they met.Not to mention that he’d literally gone to hell and back to save her.She knew that she couldn’t have defeated her father if it wasn’t for Robin.Maybe Robin could help her or at least offer some advice to defeat her father once more.So with another soft sigh Raven began to open up.“I’ve been having really bad nightmares for awhile now, they are so real and they’re so traumatizing.I always see my father or you all maimed horribly.I’m so filled with fear and dread that I subconsciously try to escape it and teleport.I’ve been teleporting around the tower for months now.”Robin kept his blue eyes fixed on her.Raven’s voice rose slightly as she tried to fight back tears and maintain control over her emotions. “I didn’t want to tell anybody because I didn’t want to have to go into detail about what I see in my nightmares.Its hard for me to talk about it and I’m not so sure that I want to open the wound so to speak.And…” she paused.“I don’t want anybody’s pity.It doesn’t do any good.”

“Raven, you could’ve told me.”Robin said softly.“Is that why I haven’t felt you through our bond?You’re making conscious effort to block me out?” 

The way he said it made Raven feel instantly guilty for doing it.She had her reasons; they were sound, but at the moment, she was reconsidering.Perhaps she could use some help…and being reminded that someone was always there to help her would be helpful.“Yes.”Raven admitted quietly flicking her eyes down.

“Raven, I’m so sorry that you’ve had to suffer with this.”Robin said reaching up to stroke her cheek lightly.“Is there anything that I can do to help?”He asked softly.

“There is one thing.”Raven stated her hand beginning to glow white as she touched Robin’s forehead. 

As their connection once again was opened and things flowed freely, Raven was surprised that she felt no surge of memories come pouring out at her like a waterfall from Robin’s mind.In fact, the only thing she felt was a warm sensation coursing through her and her body began to calm.Light invaded the darkened corners of her mind and peace swept over her like a tsunami; it came so suddenly she was startled for a moment.Raven smiled as felt like she was getting a warm hug.

“Feel better?”Robin asked her, as he watched her body unknit and her facial muscles relax.He was smiling.

“Much.”Raven admitted.“Maybe now I can have dreams instead of nightmares.”

Robin grinned at her.“How about we make a dream reality?”And with that, he enveloped Raven into a tight hug cuddling her close.Raven got an image from Robin of the two of them kissing.That was immediately followed by a pair of soft lips on her own.She immediately responded by gently placing her lips onto his own pouring out her frustration, relief and excitement at having someone to save her from her nightmares into the kiss.They squished each other closer still. 

They only separated when air became an urgent need.Robin and Raven laid close in each other’s arms.Raven was still getting used to the newfound peace of mind she possessed.“I missed our bond.”She said.

It was quiet for a few more moments before Robin interrupted her thoughts.“Me too.” Then turning to her, “you want to know what I’ve missed most about our bond?”

“Hm?”Raven was intrigued.She never thought it meant so much to him, but based on the way he was talking about it, it obviously meant a great deal. 

“I don’t know if you realized this, but I don’t think I ever rested properly knowing evil was out there and there were villains trying to hurt innocent people.Raven, the sereneness and calmness that you have to have with your powers has helped to calm me; I felt it all through our bond.My racing anxious thoughts went away, my fears were gone and you helped to quell my nightmares.”Robin touched her cheek again.“I always wondered how I could ever make it all up to you, but now I think I can.You don’t have to fight alone Raven.I’ll be right there beside you in your mind to help.”His sincere smile turned into a small mischievous smirk.“And I’ll be right _here_ beside you for as long as you desire.”Robin said wrapping his arms around her waist for emphasis.“I love you Raven.”

“I- I love you too Robin.”She admitted.For a moment, Raven felt her heart skip a beat, but she relaxed feeling through their bond that the feeling was mutual and it felt right.In fact, nothing had felt so right in a long time.

They shared another long passionate kiss.The birds stared into each other’s eyes for a few moments, just acknowledging and enjoying the moment.The moment was broken however when Raven let out a long, loud yawn.

Robin laughed before pulling the covers over her and securely tucking her in.“Goodnight Raven.Pleasant dreams.”

“Pleasant dreams.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be posting another story soon! Thank you all for sticking with me :D


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